Peanut jokes

What's the difference between a peanut and a priest?

With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.

The peanut gained confidence and finally came out of its shell.

Little Sally comes home from school one day and says to her mom, "Mommy, mommy, you won’t believe it! Little Johnny just pulled out his PP in class." The mother responded, "Well, what did it look like?" Sally said, "It looks like a peanut." The mother said, "Oh, it was small." "No, it was salty," said Sally.

What did the flower say to the crazy peanut?

"Ur going nuts boii, get back on yo' plant. Ur too nuts for me."

What looks like peanut butter and jelly, and makes a woman scream?

Afterbirth.

Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?

He was roasted.

How do you make a peanut laugh? You crack it up!

I like peanut butter and honey.

How are my sister‘s legs and peanut butter alike?\n\nThey’re both smooth and easy to spread.

I made a playlist for hiking. It has music from Peanuts, the Cranberries, and Eminem.

I call it my trail mix.

What competition do nuts participate in?

The peanut butter cup.

The cashew called the peanut boring.

The peanut felt very unsalted.

How do you catch an elephant?

Act like a peanut.

What do elephants drink on vacation?

Peanut coladas.

I’d tell you a secret about peanut butter, but you might spread it.

The nut is so solid, it’s peanut brittle.

Spell "Ihop," and then say, "'Ness, I ate your peanuts!"

Somebody give me a peanut. I just ate an EpiPen.

Yo momma is so hungry that she ate your peanuts!

Why do elephants never get rich?

Because they work for peanuts!