Peanut jokes

What do you call a sandwich 🥪 full of envy?

Peanut Butter n' Jealousy! 😂

Why did Mr. Peanut die?

His cane snapped!

So little Susie came home and said, "Mom, little Johnny showed me his pecker."

And her mom said, "WHAT?!"

And little Susie was like, "Yeah, it reminded me of a peanut." Her mom said, "Oh, because it was so small?"

Susie said, "No, because it tasted salty."

What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?

What do elephants drink on vacation?

Peanut coladas.

When it's NNN but you have a peanut allergy: 🥳

There is a kid in my class who is allergic to peanuts. He says he's gay. He can't be though... he's allergic to nuts!

What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can't peanut butter my dick up your ass.

What is a popular name for girl peanuts?

Michelle.

What's the difference between a peanut and a priest?

With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.

What does the Peanut Butter Baby say?

"Ah!"

Little Sally comes home from school one day and says to her mom, "Mommy, mommy, you won’t believe it! Little Johnny just pulled out his PP in class." The mother responded, "Well, what did it look like?" Sally said, "It looks like a peanut." The mother said, "Oh, it was small." "No, it was salty," said Sally.

Why do people in Alabama like peanut butter and jelly?

Because it's in bread.

Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?

It went with the traffic jam.

When is the peanut butter due to arrive?

In a Jif.

I put peanut butter on my asshole so the dog would lick it, but instead I got bit by ants.

Friend: What are you doing?

Me: Putting peanut butter on my balls.

Friend hears in the distance, "Orphans, I have food for you!"

What do a prostitute and peanut butter have in common?

They both spread for bread.

What do strippers and peanut butter have in common? They both spread for bread.

What do women and peanut butter have in common?

They're both easy to spread.