A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.
Doctor approaches a patient in Hospital and says, "I have some good news and bad news."
So the patient says, "What is the bad news?" the Doctor replies, "I have had to amputate both your legs." So the patient says, "Well, what is the good news?" The Doctor replies, "I have found someone to buy your slippers."
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!" The Doctor replies, "I know, I amputated your arms."
Patient: Doctor I feel like a needle Doctor: I see your point
I once had a patient who wanted to change his species. I'll tell you, he was unBEARable.
After a long labour, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first doctor”.
The doctor replies, “We’ll, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair”.
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news”. The doctor replies, “He’s dead”.
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A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man's wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said: "I have good news and bad news." The wife said: "What's the good news? "We managed to save his arm." "What's the bad news?" "We couldn't save the rest of him."
What Do you Call a homosexual in a Coma?
A Fruit & a Vegetable
Patient: I'm starting to forget things Doctor: Since when have you had this condition? Patient: What condition?
The doctor and said he had good news and bad news. The Good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is I forgot to call you yesterday.
Dolls have wigs made of mohair, cancer patients have wigs of nohair.
How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? 10, 1 to change the lightbulb, 9 to talk about how inspired they are?
A guy goes in to get some tests done, the doctor comes out and says "I got good news and bad news." The guy says "Ok, let's get the bad news out of the way." The doctor says "The tests cam back positive, you got 2 weeks to live." The guy says, "Oh My God!! Then what the hell is the good news?" Doctor says "You see that nurse over there, the one with the big tits? I'm screwin her."
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read “its a bumpy road but soon u will have a straight path.” People didnt realize it was meant for his heart monitor. Lol
Why does the nurse need a red pen?
In case she has to draw blood
So a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on; Doctor: "so your wife she is paralyzed from the neck down" and as the doctor goes he says all the things the man must do for her like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says " why, WHY ME!" Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the mans ear and says " I'm just fuckin with u she's DEAD!"
I go in to get a prostate exam. I'm nervous, but the doctor says it's all natural and needs to be done.
So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside, feeling for abnormalities.
That's when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.
Why do they have air conditioning in hospitals?
To keep all the vegetables fresh.
cancer jokes really grow on you - unlike the patients hair..
