Asian man goes to the eye doctor. Doctor says, "It looks like you have a cataract." Asian guy says, "No Doc, I drive a Rincoln."
Doctor: you don't have long to live. 10... Patient: ten what? ten years, ten months? Doctor: 9... 8... 7...
Mother: How is my little cookie 🍪 doing?
Doctor 👩⚕️: Your cookie 🍪 is feeling crummy right now.
Mother: Really?
Doctor 👩⚕️: But don’t worry. Things are about to get batter.
Mother: 😁♥️🍪
My doctor said "you have 1year to live"
I said " you wanna bet"
Bam a gun shot
What do you call a person whose Lymphoma keeps recurring?
A Lymphomaniac
Cancer is the best thing ever! Hahah fuck all you cancer patients
I told the doctor I didn’t want a brain surgery. But he changed my mind.
There is a man in the hospital the power went out and the man was stabbed to death, there are three witnesses, the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who was at the vending machine, who killed the man? The mom did because you can’t use a vending machine when the powers out!
Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.” Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”
Person: 'Doctor, doctor I've only got 50 seconds to live'
Doctor: 'Just give me a minute'
Q: How many more chemo treatments did the cancer patient need? A: Tumor
What's the hardest line to draw in a hospital?
... A FLATLINE!
What did the hematologist say when his Canadian patient wrote that he's blood type "eh"? "Ah, probably just go with blood typo"
Doctor , Doctor, I feel like a pair of Curtains ! what 's wrong with me! calm down calm down Just pull yourself together
What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?
When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.
I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died, so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone. And it turns out he only knows Spanish, so when he kept saying, "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida," I thought he wanted water. But when I got back with the water he was asleep, and now my phone was charged, so I translated what he said. And it was, "You unplugged my life support." That's when I called the doctor...
Good news is, I got one sick selfie!
A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks "How long am I going to live?" The doctor says "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says"10" The man asks "Ten what?" Then the doctor keeps going"6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1"
a doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to him self this is wrong but some doctors do it... he is a vet
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Well, tell him I can't see him right now."
I got a heart pain the I went to hospital when the doctor says I am dead but I run then I jump I am not dead
