Patient jokes

You know your doctor is gay when he asks you to touch your toes, and then you feel a rub on your back and a tickle on your anus.

"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have a rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you, and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."

"Will that cure me?" the patient asks.

"Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."

Doctor: "Does your penis burn after intercourse?"

Patient: "I don't know. I never tried lighting it."

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

To get to the other side!

The patient says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say."

The doctor says, "Next, please."