Parent jokes

I just killed a family of five.

Now I’m an orphan.

The teacher asks, "Who is a Trump fan?" Everyone in the class, wanting to be liked by their teacher, all put their hands up, except for Little Johnny. The teacher asks, "Little Johnny, why are you being different again?" Little Johnny says, "Because I'm not a Trump fan." The teacher asks, "Why are you not a Trump fan?" and Little Johnny says, "Because my dad's a democrat and my mum's a democrat so I'm a democrat." And then his teacher says, "So if your dad was an idiot and your mum was a moron, what would that make you?" And Little Johnny replies, "A Trump fan."

So, three daughters were sitting in the same room as their mother. The first daughter asked why she was named Daisy. So, the mother replies, "Because when we were taking you out of the hospital, a daisy landed on your forehead." The second daughter asked why she was named Rose. So, the mother explained, "Same as Daisy, when we were taking you out of the hospital, a rose petal landed on your forehead." The third daughter then said "ksvrjxbdkavdowbxksb," so the mother said, "Shut up, Brick!"

An orphan entered the high school for the first time. He has no knowledge of the school. He went to the secretary and asked where he shall go. The secretary then gave the orphan a schedule and said to the orphan, “Where is homeroom?” The secretary then asked which homeroom number he was assigned, and he said "1." The orphan then started to weep and said that his parents died right as he stole his first base in baseball.

I told my mom that I have a crush. She replied with: "So you like girls?" I said: "Uhm no no no." BUT I'm lesbian. Someone help, how do I tell her without her hitting me with a belt?

I hate it when ever I bring a girl over, my parents don't care, but when I bring one of my friends that's a boy, they're like, "Keep the door open," and I'm gay.

I love taking my daughter out in the car. Every time we go over a speed bump, I tell her we ran over another dog. 😂

Little Johnny said he wanted a coffee, so his mom said he can have one.

He got an espresso, not knowing "depresso" came with it.

Do you know why orphans can't get married? Because they will never get their parents' blessing.

Mom: Can I tell you a joke?

Kid: Sure.

Mom: Knock knock.

Kid: Who's there?

Mom: Not yo.

Kid: Not yo who?

Mom: Not yo father.

Kid: Not yo husband either.

Guys, stop telling orphan jokes, soon they're gonna tell they're par... oh wait, never mind, carry on.

What is an orphan's excuse to leave a party?

"I'm gonna make like my parents and run."

I don't like the term "kidnapping." I prefer "surprise adoption."

Why can't orphans celebrate Christmas?

Father Christmas left them.

Why did the orphan cry when the teacher yelled at him?

Because the teacher said, "Don't make me call your parents!"

One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.

When it's April Fool's Day, go to an orphan and say, "Their parents should come back!"

There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. I love working at an orphanage.

I remember my dad's last words: "I met your father."

One man's trash is another man's treasure. That sucks when you are adopted.