Parent jokes

What's the difference between calling someone dad or daddy? How you come from his balls.

Today, I operated on a little girl. She needed O-negative blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin sister has O-negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, “So when will I die?” She thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They put doorknobs on a wall and said, "Open the door."

An orphan's favorite toy is a boomerang. It comes back to them, unlike their parents.

I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don’t understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what’s so sad?" and she said, "What do you think was running through these kid’s head before they died?" I replied, "probably a bullet." She gasped and said, "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent’s heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."

What did the Asian parents say when they had a disabled kid?

Sum ting wong.

One day I was walking around, then saw this mom mad at her kid and screamed, "You're adopted!" He said, "Yeah, I know. My REAL mommy is still at home with daddy."

How to get quick cash:

Step 1: Kill a child's parents.

Step 2: Do foster care for them.

Step 3: Get paid for doing foster care.

What did the orphan say to his parents? Nothing, cause they left him.

Parents: "OH! Honey, we were just wrestling!"

Little Johnny: "OK! I'll join you!"

My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it. I'm not too worried though, I think she is just joking.

The teacher asked, "Why are you in school on a Saturday?"

I told her my mum told me to go to hell.

You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.

My parents were concerned when I said I like to bleed, but at least I cut my risk of cancer and stroke in half.

A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, "Why are you crying my son?" "My parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died." "It's just not your day today is it?" Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.

I asked a kid at my work where his parents were. He started crying. Man, I don't know what I did. I'll ask another kid at the orphanage.

When someone says you're adopted, say, "But you're still at the orphanage."

I would tell you an orphan joke, ehh I’ll just tell your parents instead.

No one cares if you bully an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

I was going to tell my dad a joke, but he still hasn't come back with the milk yet.