Parent jokes

Why is there only 363 days in an orphan calendar? Because they don't have Mother's Day or Father's Day.

Why can't orphans have sex?

They have no one to call "daddy".

An orphan is like marriage. The kid is always the reason for divorce. The kid is always the reason for his parents leaving him.

One day, I was sitting on my couch watching YouTube when I heard a knock on the door. I opened the door, and to my surprise, it was my dad. I haven't seen him in 16 years, so I let him in. I noticed he had a gallon of milk in his hand, and he went to the kitchen and put the milk in the fridge.

Then he walked towards me and said, "Oh no! I forgot the cereal!" Then he walked out the door and drove away. I never saw him again.

I saw this one quote: "The people who smile the most are covering the most pain." I think this is true, just not with everyone. As I am really depressed and act like myself with my friends, but with my parents and family, I force a smile so they don't worry more than they do.

I did a test for my therapy session to see what level of depression I had. It came back with severe, 22/24, but I asked her to tell my mum it came back as moderate, saying I would tell her that my depression got worse. She went along with it, but I haven't told my mum and I now make things sound like I aren't as messed up as I truly am to my therapist.

A teacher is doing an experiment about taste. She tells each student to line up so she can give them each a lifesaver, so they can tell her what flavor it is. She gives Suzy a pineapple one. Suzy tries it, says the flavor, and then goes and sits back down. That is the same for everyone, then it is Jhonny's turn. The teacher hands him a honey flavor one. Jhonny chews it for a while, then says,

"Teacher, I don't know what it is.". The teacher tries to give him a hint and says, "it's what your parents call each other when you are asleep". Immediately the boy behind Jhonny screams, "Spit it out Jhonny, it's an asshole!!!"

How to get quick cash:

Step 1: Kill a child's parents.

Step 2: Do foster care for them.

Step 3: Get paid for doing foster care.

I only kidnapped orphans because they have no parents to report them missing.

What's the difference between my dad and my stepdad?

My stepdad beat my ass before he left.

If you ever get mad, just hit an orphan.

What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

I was driving with my parent and shouted, "It's a superhero!" But I didn't know it was an emo kid.

A boy with Down Syndrome was talking with his mom.

“Mom, why did God make me like this?” he said.

“It’s because God made you special,” she said.

“Just kidding, I was only talking about your needs.”

My parents were concerned when I said I like to bleed, but at least I cut my risk of cancer and stroke in half.

You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.

what happens when you accidentally taught your child to call every man daddy?

you find the real one.

My dad told me to do what he did best, so I left.

Why can't orphans watch "The Simpsons"?

Because they don't know who's Homer.

Why can't orphans go to sleepovers?

Their parents never say yes.

Teacher: "If you don't understand, ask your parents at home."

Orphan: "I don't have neither of those :c"

What do orphans call their parents?

Unicorns because they don’t exist.