Parent jokes

What do orphans, parents, and a ball have in common?

If you throw them, they both will never come back.

What is the difference between you and my dad?

Nothing.

My daughter is super smart! She pours her own drinks on the floor.

Your mum isn't home.

You can get into a fight with an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

Why can't orphans sign up for sports?

They have to have a parent's signature.

Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?

Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.

Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.

Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.

Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.

Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?

Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?

Are your parents bakers? Because you're a cutie pie.

Are you a loan? Because you've got my interest.

Is your dad a boxer? Because you’re a knockout!

If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber.

Are you an artist? Because you’re really good at drawing me in.

I believe in following my dreams. Can I have your Instagram?

If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine-apple.

If you were a flower, you'd be a daaaaaamn-delion!

What's an orphan's favorite toy?

A boomerang, because it came back unlike their parents.

Bad joke: Why is it easy to bully orphans? Because what are they going to do, tell their parents?

I was about to make a baby joke but then decided to abort.

My parents came back from their vacation in Florida, and all I got is this lousy nursemaid from Miami named mammie.

Louie's parents tried this.

I don't know why my blind kid is crying, but I think it could be the tacks I put on the couch.

What’s the difference between Santa and an orphan? Nothing; they don’t have parents.

There was this intern that worked at an orphanage, and she burnt it down. Luckily, she doesn't have to tell her parents.

Who named their daughter Macadamia?

A couple of nuts.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come home.

I was walking in a park today and a little girl I asked, "Where are your parents?" She said, "Gone. My dad went to go get the milk and never came back," and I said, "Oof."

How do you get an orphan's hands to bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come home!