Parent jokes
What's the difference between your mom and your dad? One leaves your life to go get milk, and the other cleans up after you, feeds you, and does your laundry.
Just walked in on my parents doing it! Worst 30 minutes of my life.
Why are orphans bad at poker?
They don't know what a full house is.
Little boy: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?
Little boy: Your parents.
There is an upside to being an orphan. Every bag of chips is family size.
Q: Why is it fun to hit an orphan?
A: Who are they going to tell, their parents?
What’s the difference between grandma getting ran over by a reindeer, and a poor kid’s parents getting ran over by military tractors?
When grandma got ran over by a reindeer, the kids actually gave a sh*t.
The twin towers are like my parents, only one came back.
Why can't Jordan moan?
Because his parents are in the room next to him. Asleep.
Your mom's my dad. Think about that!
One day I saw my friend in a hospital bed. He told me to call 911. Instead, I called his parents.
Kid: "Mom, what happened to Jim?"
Mom: "He got inside a white van."
My parents love me.
Dad: Uh, yeah!
Son: Mom, Dad, what are you doing!
Parents: Sex!
Son: What?
Parents: Look, you can spectate!
A kid is watching TV and sees an ad about adopting an animal. He then turns to his mother and says, “Do we have to adopt a donkey?” “No,” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it... we adopted you.”
Kid: "I wish I could be like Batman!"
Genie: "Wish granted!"
When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.
Q: What type of mother gives their daughter sperm? A: A furry mother.
Robin asks Batman what he is getting his parents for Christmas. Batman gets mad, slaps Robin, and runs off crying.
Now you know why Batman Beyond was born when Bruce died. cause of death: suicide
Parents: Why do you use your phone on the toilet?
Me: The same reason you read the newspaper on the toilet.
I live next to a kindergarten, and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it's me who has a drill around little children.