A father and three sons are renovating a house when a wall of that house collapses and breaks the father's back. Keeping calm, he tells the sons, "Well, I guess this is what you would call back-breaking labor." He chuckled, then passed out from pain.
Bambi was calmly eating grass. All of a sudden, a red dot pointed near his heart caught his attention. He looked around anxiously, and he saw a man in camouflage. He whispered, "Time to join mother, Bambi!" Bambi knew what this meant. He ran. He heard a gunshot, followed by a wave of extreme pain. Bambi fell to the ground. He glanced at his leg, which was no longer attached to his body. The man in camouflage came up to him and stabbed him in the heart. Everything went black...
What’s pink, nine inches, and makes my wife cry when I shove it down her throat?
Her Miscarriage.
A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea, his eye hurts. The doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink. When he finished, the doctor told him: "From now on, take off the spoon."
I accidentally walked on the Lego Batman mask.
I want my fucking feet back!
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!”
She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”
To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
👌neck
Mary Rose sat on a pin. Mary Rose!
What did John say after someone shot his leg?
Oof!
What's red and screams when you shake it?
A skinned baby in a bag of salt.
you.
I told my doctor I was experiencing some back pain. He told me to smoke some weed because I had chronic back pain.
A cobra once bit Chuck Norris. After hours of agonising pain... it died.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
