I got a heart pain then I went to [the] hospital. When the doctor says I am dead, but I run then I jump. I am not dead!
It squirted in my eye, God dammit!
When you're going 80 mph and hit a speed bump,
Then the speed bump starts screaming.
What did the girl say when she ran through the door?
Ouch.
When you have a bladder infection,
You're in trouble. 😜
What's harder than taking a shit?
Trying to take a shit while constipated!
What did Allan say to his sister bully when she stepped on his toe? "Mitosis!"
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
Without women, sex would be a pain in the ass.
What's brown and hurts your teeth?
A chocolate?
No. A baseball bat in my hands.
A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says, "Okay, I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts." So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says, "Here. Ow." She then pokes her arm and says, "Here. Ow." She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop.
The doctor says, "I know what's happened to you." "What's happened to me?" The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, "You have a broken finger."
My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg.
She got really scared and yelled at the doctor, telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.
I ate too many temmie flakes... I guess I got a TEMMIE ACHE!!!!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To end his pain and suffering.
My penis is on fire
What's the worst part about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car?
Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half.
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
I got shot once. Now I'm holey.
I hit myself on a window yesterday. I really felt the pane.
Why does my dad hate me? Really, please tell me, I'm tired of the constant abuse and pain.
