Owned Jokes

A proud new dad sits down with his own father.

His father says, "Son,you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.

The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.

His father says, "Hi, Honoured, I'm Dad."

Joe Biden doesn’t follow his own fkn mask mandate.

My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.

When I went to the basketball pitch I saw a man dribbling his own balls

What's the difference between three dead babies and a ferrari

I don't own a ferrari

Knock Knock, who's there? god. god who? NO you idiot there is no god, I am your father and you have locked me out of my own house!

What do gay guys and priests have in common

They are both gay in there Own ways

little Johnny is my son and he got hit by a semi-truck owned by a Russian. Now I am on my way on a nuclear submarine with a burger king whopper to Moscow then take revenge for little Johnny!!!

Today, my family visited Disneyland. When we got to the hall of fame, I was shocked to find a statue of the BielefeldMan. The tour guide said “That’s Lewandisney. He owns the biggest collection of Disney TAP-INS and is a Mickey Mouse clubhouse member” Well done Lewandisney

I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot. Now I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.

I was walking with my black best friend and he was meeting my parents and after I got there they said who’s this? I said well I own him

Your so fat you have your own gravitational pull

If I had kept all my two cents to myself, I'd have enough money to publish my own newspaper now.

What is a oven that you don’t own : nacho oven

Yo mama was so fat that when she stepped on the scale the scale said: You gained another pound, nice going fatso, a few more ounces and you can qualify for your own zip code.

I masturbated by accident. I read the wrong thing And tested it's factuality-

Well it's been some good years now Haven't they? Being your own partner has never felt so together.

YO mama so fat she has her own gravity

But she so ugly people are repelled by her

“Your mother has been with us for 20 years,” said John. “Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?” “My mother?” replied Helen. “I thought she was your mother.”

My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and airforces but as soon as I spend a $100 on hookers she leaves me