Dude, if you're at the ATM, wouldn't that mean you're buying your own money?
Q. What do they call an ISIS terrorist who owns both a camel and a goat?
A. Bisexual.
Why do laws forbid hoes from owning stocks in condom makers?
Answer: Insider trading.
Just think, when we're getting fucked, we make our own food.
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum. Joke's on him, I have two dads.
How did Jesus become self-sovereign?
He screws himself and becomes his own creator.
When I was acting up, my mother used to tell me, "I brought you into this world, and I will take you out. I gave you life, and I can also take it." So my son was acting up and talking back to me. Now I'm being charged with murder. I don't understand. I thought it was okay to kill your own kids.
A student got a bad letter grade, so the next day he came back with his own letter grade in his backpack: an A-K47.
Why did Spider-Man decide to buy a laptop?
So that he could design his own “website.”
What do gay guys and priests have in common?
They are both gay in their own ways.
Knock knock, who's there? God.
God who? NO, you idiot, there is no God. I am your father and you have locked me out of my own house!
A kid named Billy gets his lunch money stolen at school. The bully later gets his allowance, the lunch money, and his wallet taken by his father.
The father then gets all the money taken from him by the bully’s grandfather along with his own wallet. The grandfather then takes the money and gets it stolen by Billy along with his own wallet.
What's the difference between three dead babies and a ferrari
I don't own a ferrari
Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.
Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.
When I went to the basketball pitch, I saw a man dribbling his own balls.
My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.
SOOOO my sister said her first bad word yesterday. "Shit." My mum was like, "What did you just say, child?"
Sister: "I said the cat shits inside like the dog shi- uh oh......"
Now I've avoided this stuff by making my own word: Sugarplum. Sugarplum = shit...
My sister made some pie, and it tasted horribly... so I said this.... "This pie is very sugarplum-y." She said, "What do you mean by that?" I said, "It tastes like sugarplums..."
My dad died, so I dug his grave. I was asked why I murdered him. I answered, "Guess we'll never know who did it because he dug his own grave." My father was William Afton.
Today, my family visited Disneyland. When we got to the hall of fame, I was shocked to find a statue of the BielefeldMan.
The tour guide said, "That’s Lewandisney. He owns the biggest collection of Disney TAP-INS and is a Mickey Mouse clubhouse member." Well done Lewandisney!
