oh, you just got owned, like my ancestors
If I went to walmart, I would be able to scan my own wrists because they're barcodes too.
So, some thieves robbed me the other day. They took everything I owned, except for the soap, towels, and deodorant. Dirty bastards.
your foreheads so big that it has its own gravitational pull
Wacko Jacko bleached his skin, lit his head on fire, slept in a chamber, abused his pet monkey, built an amusement park on his own backyard, had toys as decor for his home, slept with little boys, raped little boys. Jacko was Florida Man before Florida Man.
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.
I own a gun with Nazi rounds and shot a guy who broke into my house. He said “did you just shoot me with a Nazi round?” and I replied “do you mean Nein millimeter?”
Donald Trump is proud of being white, which is strange, considering he's orange. Makes you wonder why he didn't pull a Michael Jackson and bleach his own skin....
A man shoots up a School and then fakes his own death, he then later returns to shoot up the same school, he repeats the prosses a few times untill the police catch him, when they ask why he did it, he replied "I wondered when you would check if i was still breathing"
I want to die peacefully like my uncle but I don’t own a car or have a garage.
I know a woman who owns a taser. -- She's stunning!
I offered to share a Meal with an Homeless Person once but he said "Piss off and buy your Own"
So the other day I was looking up zodiac sign stuff you know im a real big fan of that and I come across this thing and it’s like all zodiac signs have there own hairstyles... except cancer.
Never attempt to foreshadow your own death you may end up regretting it, you can chop me up and throw me in the fridge if i’m wrong.
Why are fish 🐟 easy to measure?
Because they bring their own scales.
What does one math book say to the other? -- "Don't bother me. I've got my own problems!"
When your girlfriend has an abortion, it's kinda like dodging your own bullets.
Old mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone.
But when she bent over, Rover took over, and gave her a bone of his own
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. -- But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.
