Overeating Jokes

A necrophiliac woman goes over to her friends house after hooking up. "Was it hung?" her friend asks. "No he was shot."

Dont worry if you think your life sucks. Just remember that people are arguing over the gender of a potato head

Which way did the cow jump over the moon? - The MILKY way!!!

billie: hi

me: you wanna hear a story?

billie: yes sure

me: once upon a time, i ran over your dog last night.

A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"

The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"

I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing eachother and I said excuse where is the bathroom and the man said right over there. I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say "Dad I have to go to school soon"

The lice in your head are starting to concern over deforestation

Did you know Cobain had dandruff? Yep. They found his head and shoulders all over the back of his couch.

Friend: I broke up with Sara.

Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.

Friend: How did her p*ssy feel?

Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.

Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!?!

Why don't midgets use tampons? Answer: They are always tripping over the string.

So I was mining off the coast of Canada and one of my co-workers found gold. I said AU, bring that over here!

What were the terrorist on 911 thinking? "we can't go over it." "can't go under it." "we have to go through it!"

Some day, Canada will take over the world. -- And then we'll all be sorry.

What do you call a cow jumping over barbed wire? Utter destruction.

Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"

Son: "Nah, mostly men."

Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court.."

How many gay guys can u fit on a bar stool? Four just flip it over.

Kid: Mum how do you know someone is drunk? Mum: See the four birds over there Kid: huh, wait a minute. Mum: A drunk person would see eight. Kid: Mum but there is only two.