Overeating jokes
Why did the little boy cross the road multiple times? He stepped on an IED after being mutilated on a chopping block that was on fire with a table saw and multiple gallows which were infested with flaming termites with splotches of blood all over him from his eyes after they were squashed with a brick.
I just bought a book about lamps...
So I can do some light reading over the weekend.
Girl: Come over.
Orphan: I can’t.
Girl: My parents aren’t home ;)
Orphan: Just two things I don’t have.
These two guys were at a bar flirting with these girls. The guy says, "Are you a parking ticket, 'cause you got fine written all over you?"
The girl turns and says, "How about you pay for them, and then I can pay you back with me getting all over you?"
We finally have something in common with Africa. They die of starvation, we die of overeating.
What is black, white, and red all over? My third wife.
A man gets captured by cannibals.
Every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food. Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "You can kill me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks."
A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."
The officer said, "There is no traffic."
The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"
Q: Why did the baby cross the road? A: It was stapled to the chicken.
Q: Why did the Koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the baby fall out of the tree? A: Because it was stapled to the koala.
Q: Why did the tree fall over? A: The koala never let go.
Q: Why did the kangaroo die? A: Because the koala landed on it.
Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.
What's white, red, blue, and brown all over?
The American flag I used to wipe my ass with.
Why does no one die a virgin? Cause life fucks us all.
Flip 1134 over on a calculator.
Happy holidays!
What did Osama say after knocking over the Twin Towers?
He he he haw.
What appears over Ash’s head when he gets an idea?
A LightBulbasaur.
Two boys came home for dinner late, and their mother asked, "Where have you boys been?" One of them replied with, "We were all over the neighborhood, we're mailmen now." Their snobby teen sister said, "Well, you're not real mailmen, real mailmen use real letters." Then one of the boys said, "Actually, we used real letters, we found a whole box of them under your bed."
Why did Joe Biden pull out of the Afghanistan war?
Because it was over 18 years old.
What did Scorpion say to the ugly person?
"STAY OVER THERE!"
I am the ice cream man running over fat kids with my van. If you touch my van, I’ll smack you in the face with a frying pan. If you steal ice cream, I’ll shoot you in the face with a fudge machine.
I'd tell you a 9/11 joke, but it'd fly over your head and into the Twin Towers.