Outing jokes

The school shooter: "I finally found you worthless crybabies!!"

The Quiet Kid: "How are a bag of chips and a mac11 the same?"

The school shooter: "I don't know."

The Quiet kid: "When you pull them out everybody wants to be your friend."

When you ask the cashiers for the specials menu, and they bring out the autistic kid, blind kid, and Down syndrome kid.

How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?

A blender.

How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?

A straw.

How do you get an emo out of a tree?

Just cut the rope.

Yesterday, I saw a "woman's rights" book in the library, so I put it in the fiction section and got kicked out.

I want to thank all the sidewalks out there for keeping me off the street.

I rode to the bottle shop on my bike yesterday. I bought a whole bottle of wine and put it in the basket on the front of my bike.

Then I thought, if I fell off my bike on the way back home, it would smash and shatter. So I drank all the wine and threw away the bottle.

It was a good idea, because I fell off my bike about four times on the way back.

What did the condom say when he came out of a gay guy's asshole?

He said, "Fuck this shit!"

You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?

European.

Why can't you tell anyone about space?

Because it's too out of this world!

A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”

My grandpa kept warning the people on the Titanic that the boat was going to sink. Result: he got kicked out of the movie theater.

JFK: Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head.

What is a government mandate?

When Obama and Biden go out to dinner together.

Michael Jackson and Jeffrey Epstein walk into a bar. But a few minutes later, they would walk out, because you have to be 21+. No room for those two.

I got kicked out of the library because I put the woman's right book in the non-fiction section.

Me: Wanna play a game?

Sister: Ya, what is it?

Me: Tic tac toe.

Sister:?

Takes out knife and rolls up sleeve.

Me: Tic tac toe.

Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head.

There was a girl I used to date, only to find out that she used to be a man. You could say, she put me in a trans.

"Your ass must be jealous of all that shit that comes out of your mouth."