Why did the shark spit out the clown?
Because he tasted funny!
Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together. In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet. She replies, "No". Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?" His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school." Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?" She replies, "No." Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?" His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school." After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?" His mom says "No." He asks, "Do you know what I think?" His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?" He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."
A man walks into his house, only to find out somebody stole all of his lamps. He was absolutely delighted.
Me: Are you okay?
Dentist: I'm just a bit surprised. When I said to you "spit it out" I wasn't expecting you to say you've been shagging my wife.
What do you call a cow without legs? Ground beef (meal out of cow legs)
the biggest inconvenience in 2001 i thought was my brother turns out it was 9/11 i guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was aluh aluckbar
My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late.. Guess who's late now..
Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.
me: i have depression
someone: u should get out more! go outside
me: *goes to the beach* now its a tropical depression
so i took a poop out side when i was done i wiped and got it on my finger after that i had nutella and i thought the poop on my hand was nutella and i licked it i said daddy chill what in the heck is this crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
what did steven hawkins say when the wifi cut out .........nothing
Why isn’t the Moon Emo anymore
Turns out it was just a phase.
I got a reversible jacket for Christmas, I can't wait to see how it turns out
Alright kids! Find a good places to stop! Then, out of the blue, Billy died. But hey, he went to a better place.
What do depressed people do when they’re bored? They “Hang” Out
how to make time fly
answer throw a clock out of the window
How many times does 42 go into 9? Get in the van to find out.
What turns a girl on more than having sex with her
When she finds out that you have a vibrator too
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
A blond haired girl, a brown haired girl, and a ginger haired girl were out walking when the came across some tracks The brown haired girl looked at them and said, "I think they are elephant tracks." Then the ginger haired girl looked at the tracks and said, "No way they are definitely duck tracks." Finally the blond haired girl bent down to examine the tracks when she got hit by the train.
