Outing jokes
You are so fat that when you go out to check your letterbox, it measures 8 on the Richter scale.
Me in the middle of the night boiling water.
Me talking to my brother: How do you make holy water?
My brother: How?
Me: You boil the hell out of it.
Do you know the phrase "One man's trash is another man's treasure"? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted!
Haven't had sex since I got out of jail; although sex in jail wasn't that great, either.
Check out my new song. It’s called “Nlggas in the hood,” and it’s really good, so go listen.
Memes
2020:
How did pioneers name Canada?
They put a bunch of letters in a hat and pulled out three. The first one was "C, eh?" The second one was "N, eh?" The last letter was "D, eh?"
That's how they named "C, eh? N, eh? D, eh?"
My sister: See you at home in about an hour.
Me: Okay.
My sister: Sister, where are you? *She looks out the window.*
Me: Sis, I'm here, can't you see me?
Sister: OMG, she's dead!
Me: Yeah, I know, but can't you see me?
Did you hear Stephen Hawking has a new book out?
It's about time!
My dad went out with Nemo one day to the store. They still haven't come back.
Today I asked my sis to take out the trash, and I shoved her outside!
When I am getting bored, I hold a banana and start shaking it suddenly. It gives out juice after a few minutes. I get excited. Ohhhhhh!
Try with a cucumber.
Why is the tire so tired?
Because it is tired out.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To check out the chicks!
Why did Santa go to work? Because he was just trying out the work! 😂😂
Are you a Chipotle bowl? Because I wanna eat you out.
How do you get ten babies in a bowl?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
Doritos.
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
A man takes his dog out and steps in shit. He exclaims "WHAT THE DEUCE!"
Yo mama so fat that when he was talking to a man, her bowels fell out.
Yo mama so fat when The Rock hit her with a Rock Bottom, her big fat ass belly let all the pizza explode out of her belly!