Outing jokes

A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"

And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"

Yo momma so fat, she farts out volcanoes.

I hope you never find out whether that pressure in your ass is a fart or a shit.

I was trying to tell some people here to stop, but then I found out that the S was covered in blood from me assaulting someone.

Amber Heard Daily Routine:

Get out of bed, drink coffee, take a shit on Johnny Depp's bed.

Teacher: Anyone missing?

Orphan: My parents.

Teacher: Something that is real, kid.

Orphan: My family.

Teacher: OMG, out of my classroom, kid!

"Mom, these balloons are hard to blow."

"Son, stay out of the drawer."

You are so fat that when you go out to check your letterbox, it measures 8 on the Richter scale.

Me in the middle of the night boiling water.

Me talking to my brother: How do you make holy water?

My brother: How?

Me: You boil the hell out of it.

Do you know the phrase "One man's trash is another man's treasure"? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted!

Haven't had sex since I got out of jail; although sex in jail wasn't that great, either.

Check out my new song. It’s called “Nlggas in the hood,” and it’s really good, so go listen.

How did pioneers name Canada?

They put a bunch of letters in a hat and pulled out three. The first one was "C, eh?" The second one was "N, eh?" The last letter was "D, eh?"

That's how they named "C, eh? N, eh? D, eh?"

My sister: See you at home in about an hour.

Me: Okay.

My sister: Sister, where are you? *She looks out the window.*

Me: Sis, I'm here, can't you see me?

Sister: OMG, she's dead!

Me: Yeah, I know, but can't you see me?

Did you hear Stephen Hawking has a new book out?

It's about time!

My dad went out with Nemo one day to the store. They still haven't come back.

Today I asked my sis to take out the trash, and I shoved her outside!

When I am getting bored, I hold a banana and start shaking it suddenly. It gives out juice after a few minutes. I get excited. Ohhhhhh!

Try with a cucumber.

Why is the tire so tired?

Because it is tired out.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To check out the chicks!