Outing jokes

I still remember my dad's last words, "You c***! You let the ladder go, you cuuunt!"

Smack! He hit the ground and bled out.

A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"

And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"

Teacher: Anyone missing?

Orphan: My parents.

Teacher: Something that is real, kid.

Orphan: My family.

Teacher: OMG, out of my classroom, kid!

Do you know the phrase "One man's trash is another man's treasure"? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted!

Amber Heard Daily Routine:

Get out of bed, drink coffee, take a shit on Johnny Depp's bed.

Haven't had sex since I got out of jail; although sex in jail wasn't that great, either.

You are so fat that when you go out to check your letterbox, it measures 8 on the Richter scale.

Me in the middle of the night boiling water.

Me talking to my brother: How do you make holy water?

My brother: How?

Me: You boil the hell out of it.

"Mom, these balloons are hard to blow."

"Son, stay out of the drawer."

A farmer had a donkey and a dog. One night, he was getting robbed by a thief. The donkey told the dog to bark, but the dog refused. So the donkey brayed very loudly, and the thief ran out of the house, and the farmer beat up the donkey.

Why can't orphans go on vacation?

The last time they did, they fell in the toilet and had no one to help them out. Ugh!

Can you guys check out my joke, please?

What does Tiffany call Chucky when he is staring at her Barbie?

"Eye torture!"

If you are having sex and your feet are out of the tent, it doesn't count.

Out (DYM 75)

So two dudes were at a bar and out of nowhere they hear, "Oi mate, talk to me like that again, I'm gonna shove this stick so far up your ass you'll look like a Popsicle."

My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets!"

My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets."

"What do you do with your free time?"

"I stalk."

"Really? I enjoy walks in the park, going to the movies, and hanging out with friends."

"I know."

My dad went out with Nemo one day to the store. They still haven't come back.