*Son comes out as gay*
Me: What's 17 more years?
Why do orphans hate going in public?
Because there's kids out with their parents.
Why Satan didn't stop sending messages to God about hell?
'Cause they made a juice out of him.
If there's ever a shooting at school, pull out an Uno reverse card.
poop i eat it for dinner i eat it at night yet it never comes out of me? how is that possibul?
pOOp
You so fat you got thrown out the window, but the window threw you back inside.
Stop making these stop jokes. I'm running out of laugh gas.
My newly wed wife is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.
A man walks into a bar and then out.
So the fire alarm went off, but as soon as they walked out of the classroom, the only fire they saw was out of a gun.
Say "Uranus" but take out the "ur."
When I saw someone jump out of one of the towers, I yelled, "Do a flip!"
They call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me poor and ugly.
It took me years to figure out the Oreos served in Lunchables are knock offs. On the cover it says “Chocolate Crème Cookies.” I’ve believed this lie for as long as I can remember. Unless they were real back then? I don’t even know at this point. They sure as hell aren’t real now!
Last night little Johnny went to his room and saw people hanging out there, little balls.
We were versing year 8 at footy, and they were mostly black, so I told my white friend to WATCH OUT!!!
Two men are next to each other. One looks at the other and asks, "Are you a fascist?"
The other man responds, "No, why would I be?"
The first man pulls out a gun and says, "Are you sure?"
The second man says, "Never mind, I am a fascist!"
How are babies and the elderly similar?
They are both fun to throw out of moving cars.
Waiter says, "Sir, we ran out of ranch, so I had the boys in the back improvise. But don't worry... It has even more zip & twang to it!"
Coworker, why is Sara so blue?
Is it because Sara wishes she had a man? coworker she always watches you with your husband together out of love. You better watch out dear, she might "saraorize" him, with her crooked teeth and ultra-thin lips.
