The Demon when it gets summoned to earth only to find out it was a spelling mistake in Latin class. 😬
Check out my new song. It’s called “Nlggas in the hood,” and it’s really good, so go listen.
I was driving a car and a fat person was crossing the street. When I swerved my car to miss her, I ran out of gas.
A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."
I crashed into the back of a car at the lights today.
A really short guy got out of it and said, “I’m not happy.”
I said, “Well, which one are you then?”
When God make white people he said, "FUCK I'M OUT OF PAINT!"
Amber Heard Daily Routine Get out of bed, Drink coffee, Take a shit on Jonny depps bed.
What goes in hard and dry but comes out soft and wet? Gum.
Me in the middle of the night boiling water.
Me talking to my brother: How do you make holy water. My brother: How Me: You boil the hell out of it.
how do you get a emo out of the tree
you cut the rope
I hope you never find out whether that pressure in your ass is a fart or a shit.
A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"
And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"
Teacher: Anyone missing?
Orphan: My parents.
Teacher: Something that is real, kid.
Orphan: My family.
Teacher: OMG, out of my classroom, kid!
Do you know the phrase "One man's trash is another man's treasure"? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted!
"Mom, these balloons are hard to blow."
"Son, stay out of the drawer."
You are so fat that when you go out to check your letterbox, it measures 8 on the Richter scale.
Haven't had sex since I got out of jail; although sex in jail wasn't that great, either.
Zaine Davis and Stephen Hawking fuck each others brains out.
Why is the tire so tired?
Because it is tired out.
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
