Outing jokes

When God make white people he said, "FUCK I'M OUT OF PAINT!"

If an apple and a depressed kid fall out of a tree, which one hits the ground first? The apple.

The kid just hangs there.

Your mama is so ugly, she doesn't have to flush the toilet. She already scared the shit out of it.

I crashed into the back of a car at the lights today.

A really short guy got out of it and said, “I’m not happy.”

I said, “Well, which one are you then?”

I took out my mother-in-law, being a sniper, I'd fun.

My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets!"

What's the definition of disgusting?

Sticking 5 oysters up your grandmother and sucking 6 out!

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

Because his 4G ran out!

I went out for a drive and attempted to drift on the road. It didn't end well for me, or for the speed bumps I hit.

Wait, there aren't any road bumps.

O h s h i t.

I still remember my dad's last words, "You c***! You let the ladder go, you cuuunt!"

Smack! He hit the ground and bled out.

Yo momma so fat, she farts out volcanoes.

I was trying to tell some people here to stop, but then I found out that the S was covered in blood from me assaulting someone.

Amber Heard Daily Routine:

Get out of bed, drink coffee, take a shit on Johnny Depp's bed.

I hope you never find out whether that pressure in your ass is a fart or a shit.

Teacher: Anyone missing?

Orphan: My parents.

Teacher: Something that is real, kid.

Orphan: My family.

Teacher: OMG, out of my classroom, kid!

How do you get an emo out of the tree?

You cut the rope.

A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"

And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"

Do you know the phrase "One man's trash is another man's treasure"? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted!

"Mom, these balloons are hard to blow."

"Son, stay out of the drawer."

You are so fat that when you go out to check your letterbox, it measures 8 on the Richter scale.