Outing jokes

Amber Heard Daily Routine:

Get out of bed, drink coffee, take a shit on Johnny Depp's bed.

I hope you never find out whether that pressure in your ass is a fart or a shit.

Teacher: Anyone missing?

Orphan: My parents.

Teacher: Something that is real, kid.

Orphan: My family.

Teacher: OMG, out of my classroom, kid!

How do you get an emo out of the tree?

You cut the rope.

A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"

And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"

Do you know the phrase "One man's trash is another man's treasure"? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted!

"Mom, these balloons are hard to blow."

"Son, stay out of the drawer."

You are so fat that when you go out to check your letterbox, it measures 8 on the Richter scale.

Haven't had sex since I got out of jail; although sex in jail wasn't that great, either.

Me in the middle of the night boiling water.

Me talking to my brother: How do you make holy water?

My brother: How?

Me: You boil the hell out of it.

Fortnite battle pass, I just shit out my ass. The school: You did what?

Why did the orphan get kicked out of baseball?

They couldn't hit home base.

What's the best way to get an emo out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."

The Demon when it gets summoned to earth only to find out it was a spelling mistake in Latin class. 😬

What goes in hard and dry but comes out soft and wet?

Gum.

Check out my new song. It’s called “Nlggas in the hood,” and it’s really good, so go listen.

I was driving a car and a fat person was crossing the street. When I swerved my car to miss her, I ran out of gas.

So two dudes were at a bar and out of nowhere they hear, "Oi mate, talk to me like that again, I'm gonna shove this stick so far up your ass you'll look like a Popsicle."

What does Tiffany call Chucky when he is staring at her Barbie?

"Eye torture!"