Outing jokes

I was lip to lip yesterday, and now I can't get the cum out of my mouth.

How do you find out the price of an emo? You scan his barcode.

I ordered my sandwich at a restaurant on 9/11 spicy, it came out plain.

My dad walked in on me having sex with a dog. She gasped and shouted at me, "Get out of here, it's my turn!"

What's the difference between a girl eating Taco Bell and doing sex a few times? Nothing. Something always comes out.

What does a refrigerator and a gay male have in common?

Only one farts when you pull the meat out. 🌝🌝🌝

I have a taste for some roast duck until the feathers will pop right out and say, "Quack, quack."

This morning, I was in the kitchen, and I saw a whole bunch of leftover brownies made from scratch. I just tasted one and spit it out because somebody put some goddamn weed in them, what the fuck!

My girl got mad at me last night for saying to my mom that she had a dildo ready at all times and is always hard, so my mom wanted to see. So I whipped out my penis and my mom said it’s bigger than your dad’s!

What kind of star will come out in the daytime?

A starfish! 🐟🐠🐡🦐🦞🦀🦑🐙🦂

Living in Houston, Texas, and realizing that hurricanes are an annual threat, my ex-wife called me and asked what would be the safest route to get out of Houston to avoid a hurricane. My answer? Take the 610 loop, dear!

My dad said he'd be back later after he walked out the door with a suitcase.

Who takes a suitcase to the grocery store? Silly daddy!

What does Christian say when he wants out of jail?

"Bale me out!"

Your mum's so fat that when she goes to KFC, they run out of stock of chicken.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Lettuce.

Lettuce who?

Lettuce out of school early!

Motherhood is like a fairy tale, but in reverse. You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.

Boys: “Hey, can Billy come out and play baseball?”

Mom: “That would be fine, but he hasn’t come out of his room since Friday.”

Boys: “Have you checked the closet?”

What’s the difference between a Jew and an American? The American makes it out of camp.

The police officer in London, who used fake Covid rules to arrest a young woman, drive her more than 50 miles out of London in a hire car, murder her, and do whatever to her, has appealed against his Whole Life tariff.

He should be relieved it was only that! Could've been worse... could've married her!

There was once a kid named Timmy. His father and mother went to bed one night and didn't hear or see Timmy come with them.

They all get under the covers. Timmy, still unnoticed, looks under the covers and lets out a blood-curdling scream. "MOMMY, WATCH OUT! THERE IS A SNAKE GOING INTO YOUR BIG BLACK HAIRY BUSH!" And he proceeds to say, "DON'T WORRY MOMMY, I'LL GET IT!" And he takes his father's penis in his mouth and chomps down.

Now I want you to think what their breakfast conversation was the next morning.