Outing jokes

I was watching The Perfect Murder with my boyfriend. It was a good movie, but the weird thing was that my boyfriend was taking notes throughout the whole movie.

We recently found out my grandpa is addicted to Viagra.

No one is taking it harder than grandpa.

Okay, what do you call that purple thing in your mom's top dresser drawer that she calls her best best friend for some weird reason?

Dad better look out from Bob, battery-operated boyfriend, hahaha!

What did the grape say when it was stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

Git is going to let Bill Cosby out of jail. Oh wait, he watched Little Bill.

You are so fat that when you jump into the pool, everyone gets out.

💪 💪 🏋️‍♂️ What do you get when you cross a physically disabled gay white male who works out at the gym, who is a bukkake slut, and a physically disabled gay white male who works out at the gym, who is a sex worker?

Cum Junkie.

ISIS recently brought out a new shampoo.

Head and Shoulders!

Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."

Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."

Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."

Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."

I took my friend skydiving once, and he jumped out of the plane without a parachute. Then I remembered he was emo.

I just found out, these jokes are about dead people.

Your hairline looks like Thanos snapped your hair out of existence.

I got fired from the bowling ball factory for throwing out the ones that had holes in them.

Your mama smells so bad that everytime she goes outside, she gets ticketed for pollution. She's so ugly that everytime she looks out a window, she gets arrested for mooning.

I heard helium won the lottery. Turns out, he lied.

One time I looked out the window and then I saw my sister, and she wasn’t even my sister anymore...

Your mum is so fat, when she was sitting on a scale, the number couldn't even fit on the scale and came shooting out!

Shout out to the terrorists, your year is starting off with a bang!

When Leicester City won the league in 2015/16, do you think there was a little lad in Africa running around with "Drinkwater" on his back, annoying the hell out of the locals?

"Dream, yo mama so ugly, when she went in the bathtub, the water jumped out!"