Otherness jokes

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What did one condom say to the other condom as they were passing a gay bar? "Let's go get shit faced!"

Who works at IHOP? A girl with one leg.

P1: Why did the chicken cross the road?

P2: To get to the other side DUH?!?

P1: No dumbass, it's to get run over because he has depression, a chronic illness, and his father left him for a good for nothing pimp that doesn’t even give a shit about how he feels. (Kinda like me).

P2: Holy shit are u ok? *Some random eavesdropping fucker dials 911 in a hurry*

What’s the difference between a dirty bus terminal and a lobster with implants?

One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.

I sometimes want rampage, but what good would that do?

I look for a way out, but there's not even a light shining through.

The times where all is dark, are the times that I need a mark.

Though people say that nobody will care, the truth is: there's always one who's fair.

That person may not be the one you expect, but I am here with a passion to redirect.

Once there was a time where I tried to end it all, because I only looked on the dark side.

Truth was I wanted to be heard, to be respected, to let someone know.

But that was in the past and this isn't about my dark ride, it's time for others to know that only a few words, can extinguish a glow.

Two windmills were standing in a wind farm. One asked, "What's your favorite type of music?" The other one replied... "I'm a big metal fan."

Why did the Indian cross the road?

Because he opened a corner shop on the other side.

In English class, the teacher says, "Kids, you need to say the alphabet. Okay, Sally, you first." Sally says, "Okay, a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z." The teacher says, "Good job, Sally." Then the teacher called on four other students who got it right. Then the teacher called on Little Johnny. The teacher says, "Little Johnny, say the alphabet." Little Johnny says, "b c e f g h i j k l m n o p s v w x y z." The teacher says, "No, Johnny, that's not right." Johnny says, "Oh, I forgot, u r a q t." The teacher says, "No, still not right, and thank you." Johnny says, "Oh, I’ll give you the d later." The class laughs and the teacher says, "Go to the office now."

  • 9

    • I had a glass of Schweppes lemonade in one hand and a glass of R. Whites in the other. I got into a hot sweat. I think I have Corona Virus.

    What did one Koala say to the other?

    "Help me I'm burning. Aaaugh!!! Oh fuck oh fuck I'm on fire!! AAAAaugh!"

    My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.

    She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.

    I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!

  • 2

    • So what is the difference between a real doctor and a doctor of philosophy?

    One cures the sick and the other makes them sick!

    Why did the orphan cross the street? Because they thought that mommy and daddy was on the other side.

    I don't get why people don't like my abortion jokes. Do they have a stick up their ass? Wait, that's the other hole.

    What did one male whale say to the other male whale?

    "She's gonna blow!"

    Why did the fish cross the sea?

    To get to the other tide! 😂 😂 😂

    Two people just met. One said, “We should do some bonding.” The other nodded and said back, “Titanic.” The first just looked confused so the second one just said, “Sorry, thought that would be a good icebreaker.”