Otherness jokes

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I told a seal a joke, it went like this: "Why did the kid cross the playground?" He said, "Why?" I said, "To get to the other slide." And then he said, "That's the sealiest thing I've ever heard!"

a man died with an erection. the three nurses in the morgue saw this the first nurse climbs on and rides him. the second nurse dose the same the third hesitates saying "i'm on my period." the others say its ok hes dead so she rides him to. when she's done he sits up and all the nurses ask how hes alive he replies i'm good to go after the two jumpstarts and blood transfusion

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    • On 9/11, the Twin Towers ordered 3 pepperoni pizzas. One came in plain, the other came in late, the third went to the wrong address.

    Two nuns were sitting on a bench. A flasher flashed them, and one of the nuns had a stroke... but the other one was too far away :)

    What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Dam.

    What did the other fish say to that fish when he hit the wall? Dumb Bass.

    What's the difference between the microphone and Bambi?

    One is a Welsh idea, the other's a well shy deer.

    I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts,' which, on one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.

    Three scientists are doing an experiment. They are trying to find out what happens when you stick a cork in an elephant's ass.

    In the lab, they each look at each other and decide that they should hire a monkey to do it. The monkey sticks the cork up the elephant's ass, and the scientists wait three weeks.

    The monkey pulls out the cork, and all three scientists go back and discuss what they saw.

    The first one, standing one mile away, says all he could see was a wave of brown, then it all went black. The second, standing two miles away, said the same. The third, who was standing three miles away, said all he could see was the other two get consumed by a massive cloud of brown.

    Q: There were two tampons walking down the road the other day. Guess what they said to each other?

    A: Nothing, 'cause they're both stuck-up cunts.

    Two old people sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, "My butt fell asleep." The other says, "Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times."

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    • Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, and they want to kill them, but the Europeans beg to have their lives spared.

    The Native Americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, “Shove it up your butt, if you laugh we kill you.” So, he shoves the peach up his butt and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs and the Native Americans kill him. They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, “I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?” The second guy says, “Oh yea, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”

    Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says to the other, "What do you think about that mad cow disease?"

    The other replies, "Well I don't have to worry about it. You're talking to a telephone pole."

    What did the fish say to the other fish? "You have a big butt!"

    The other fish said, "We don't have butts......"