Otherness jokes

In Rocket League, you don't care who wins game MVP as long as it's not somebody on the other team.

I was lying on the living room carpet the other day with my girlfriend on top of me in wings and a tutu, making out.

I called her the Fallen Angel.

What's the difference between a hoe and a prostitute?

One is a tool. The other is your mom.

Why is the Z the only politically correct letter?

Because all the other letters are not Z's.

"Others, Morris, Sal, Sal, Rasuba Marid, Things!"

My son is broken: "I think at home!"

Happiness!

I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put it down.

It takes a lot of trust for two cannibals to gluck gluck each other. You never know when it's goodbye willy.

Two priests are pulled over by the police. One priest asks the cop what the reason for pulling them over is. The cop says, "We are looking for two child molesters." The priest look at each other and tell the cop they'll do it.

I met an African girl the other night, we spoke for hours.

We just clicked.

How many police officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two: one to change the lightbulb, and the other to open fire while the room is dark.

How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.

An Indian has a seat between two Pakistani's on board an airplane.

It's quite obvious to each of the three men where they are from. The Indian asks, "Pardon me gentleman, you wouldn't mind me sitting between you, do you? This is my seat, after all."

The Pakistanis look at each other, and then look back at him. One of them smiles and says, "Not at all! After all, Pakistanis and Indians are brothers! Are we not?"

The Indian is delighted at how warm and friendly they are, and he takes his seat. Shortly the plane takes off and the three guys are just chilling until the Indian says, "You know it's going to be a long ride and I am getting thirsty. Brothers, can I get any of you like a drink?" Then one of them says, "Yes brother, I would like a Coke!"

The Indian slips off his shoes and walks barefoot to where the stewardess is at, and when the Indian is out of view, one of the Pakistanis spits into his shoe. The Indian comes back and gives him a Coke.

Then the other Pakistani says, "You know what brother? I would also like a Coke too!" The Indian happily obliges, and as soon as he is out of view, he also spits in his shoe before the Indian gives him a Coke.

Finally, the Indian slips on his shoes and suddenly realizes how wet they are. He shakes his head and says, "Brothers! Why must we do this to each other, spitting in each other's shoes and peeing in each other's Cokes?"

Little Timmy is hanging out with Rapunzel, and he mentions Hugo and a few other characters from Varian And The Seven Kingdoms, and she responds with, “Who the frick are you talking about? Since I don’t know them, I got a surprise for you!” She wraps him up in Christmas wrapping paper labeled "For Eugene."

"Yo, Gabriella, any idea where our other friends are?"

What's the difference between someone with dystonia and someone with misophonia?

One makes the annoying noises, while the other hates the annoying noises.

Why is hand holding a couple thing? Because they touch each other's genitals anyway.

What did one slave owner say to the other slave owner when he couldn’t find his slave?

Don’t worry, I’ll rope him in.

I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.

My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."

What do two priests say to each other when they walk into an orphanage?

"Let us pray."