One jokes

I went to a feminist picnic the other day.

It was great, apart from the fact no one made any sandwiches.

I like my girlfriend's new secondary school uniform, I guess, but doesn’t beat her old primary school one. 😀

What is one thing blind people and orphans have in common?

They both can't see their parents.

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"

"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."

It's always fun to take anti-depressants, you either choose to take one, or the whole bottle.

Why did the orphan try to get hurt?

Because then they would get surrounded with people who care about him.

He looks around, no one is there.

Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"

Grandpa: "Sonny, let me tell you something. There's only one damn thing in this whole world worse than Alzheimer's."

Boy: "What's that?"

Grandpa: "What's what?"

Everyone likes orphans but their parents.

Don't let mistakes drag you down. My dad made one mistake, but it ended up fulfilling the 5-year plan of heat energy generation in less than a millisecond.

My cousin said being gay was such a pain in the ass and I asked him why and I said, "Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, I get made fun of." and I said, "Why? Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, turd." Then I said, "Wow, at least I'm not the one with real pains in my ass, bro."

I know what you did with your mom last night, the orphan. Nah, jit trippin', you thought I had one?

One day my mom told me to take out the trash, and I did. The next day, mom asked me, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "A garbage truck took her." Mom started running to try and get the truck before it left.

I wanted another piece of pizza... but she said I could only have One Piece.

My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.

One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.

One depressed kid goes to high-five a tree, but the tree just left him hanging.

My dad and I were fishing one day.

That’s where he met my stepmom.

What did one copper say to the other? C U.

I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.

So there were these two wind turbines standing in a field, and one of them asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?"

The other thinks for a moment and says, "I'm a big metal fan."