One jokes

What's the difference between 911 and a Mexican gardener?

One of them is an outside job.

Two Indians talk over a long distance using smoke signals.

In the middle of the conversation, a nuclear bomb explodes behind one of them, and a huge cloud of smoke rises silently into the sky.

The other Indian signals with smoke: "Not so loud!"

What's the difference between a Palestinian and SpongeBob's Sandy Cheeks?

One is living in a bubble, the other one in rubble.

Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.

If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.

I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.

What vegetable is good for your memory? A carrot, because the last time I had one shoved up my ass, I never forgot about it.

Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?

Neither one of them, they eat out.

Why do vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?

Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don’t like where real meat comes from.

My cousin said being gay was such a pain in the ass and I asked him why and I said, "Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, I get made fun of." and I said, "Why? Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, turd." Then I said, "Wow, at least I'm not the one with real pains in my ass, bro."

My grandpa is a great hero. He's the one who shot Hitler.

You're cheap; no one even pays attention.

What's the difference between WW2 kamikaze planes and 9/11?

One of the missions succeeded.

Pick up lines.

"One fish, two fish, three fish, I’m breaking up with you, b*tch!"

"Hey there little mister, I’m dating your sister."

What's Technoblade's favorite show and is the only one he can relate to?

Peppa Pig: Peppa Dies!

One night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars. As I lay there, I thought to myself: WHERE'S THE ROOF?

Why does a milking stool have 3 legs?

Because the cow has the udder one.

When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side. Y'all knew this one, fr.

You know the drill, but do you know the hammer? Hah, nailed that one.

But I also think I screwed it up.

Roses are red, pussies are wet, when it goes in he gets upset. She said it's too small, so that's all. But later that day, he wanted to say, "Every time I play, no one complains, so she was just lying." She started flying, went out of her seat, the skirt went up, the greatest of them all. Everyone said, "Fly away big chunky balls."