One jokes

Don't let mistakes drag you down. My dad made one mistake, but it ended up fulfilling the 5-year plan of heat energy generation in less than a millisecond.

One day my mom told me to take out the trash, and I did. The next day, mom asked me, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "A garbage truck took her." Mom started running to try and get the truck before it left.

It's always fun to take anti-depressants, you either choose to take one, or the whole bottle.

I know what you did with your mom last night, the orphan. Nah, jit trippin', you thought I had one?

My cousin said being gay was such a pain in the ass and I asked him why and I said, "Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, I get made fun of." and I said, "Why? Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, turd." Then I said, "Wow, at least I'm not the one with real pains in my ass, bro."

What did one copper say to the other? C U.

There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.

What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.

What's the difference between your birth and 9/11?

One was planned.

Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?

Because they're the ones making the toys.

This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.

I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"

So I did...

I don't remember much after that.

Why do vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?

Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don’t like where real meat comes from.

Two Indians are walking beside a river...

One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.

"The White Man was here."

"How can you tell?"

"We're speaking English, aren’t we?"

Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.

If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.

One time my dad was an orphan, so I questioned where he learned to parent.

My grandpa is a great hero. He's the one who shot Hitler.

One night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars. As I lay there, I thought to myself: WHERE'S THE ROOF?

What's the difference between WW2 kamikaze planes and 9/11?

One of the missions succeeded.

What's Technoblade's favorite show and is the only one he can relate to?

Peppa Pig: Peppa Dies!

You're cheap; no one even pays attention.