What did one cell say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis!
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
What's the one good thing about pedophiles? They slow down near schoolzones.
God: ok so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look like from being born to preteen. Satan:(slides in) I’ll take over for you pops. God: I dunno....this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system. Satan: don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18! God: Hmm...I’m still not-(Gets a call on his phone) shoot I got to take this. (Answers call) don’t touch anything Lucifer! (Walks away) Satan:.......(just touches lightly and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away) God:(rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?! God:(tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) fuck me........ God:....(sighs) fine it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty
I stole one's balls
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other one off
What did god say when he made the black human? Oh no i burnt another one
Everyone laughs when a bully teases someone, but no one laughs when that person commits suicide
Am I the only one who gives people in the neighborhood names they don't know they have? Like "Blue truck dude", "Loud dog guy", "Nice old lady with the rose bushes", "That slut across the street",
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theres something on your chin no not that one the 3rd row
The thing I don't like about shopping centers...
When you see one, you've seen a mall.
I woke up one night and it was really dark in my room, then my T.V. started to float out the window. I said "drop it nig-"
A guy was on trial for murder and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done and paid him the $10,000.
The red neck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and, wanted to let him go.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims, they went through 80 stories in 7 seconds. In case you didn't see that one coming, don't feel bad, they didn't either
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There were two peanuts walking down an alley. One was assaulted
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one day I was walking around, then saw this mom mad at her kid and screamed " YoUr AdOpTeD!" he said "yeah I know my REAL mommy is still at home with daddy."
