One jokes
What vegetable is good for your memory? A carrot, because the last time I had one shoved up my ass, I never forgot about it.
What has four legs and one arm?
A Rottweiler in a children’s playground.
What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?
They both like cracking open a cold one.
What’s the difference between white people and Black people?
One runs from the police, one runs for the police.
How many gay guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one... But it takes the entire emergency room to take it out.
Theory is when you know everything but nothing works.
Practice is when everything works but no one knows why.
In our lab, theory and practice are combined: Nothing works and no one knows why.
How many hookers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, cause they'll screw anything.
What pizza did the Twin Towers order?
A plain one.
My wife cheated on me with my brother.
She didn't have a sister, so I improvised, and now all I have to do is wait nine months for one to come.
When my son was little, he loved to draw. Although he would always rip up the paper whenever there was one little slip up. Too bad he became a tattoo artist.....
I can explain Superman and Batman movies in one sentence.
Two orphans fighting in the rain.
I ate the Emo Emo no Mi from One Piece. It gave me the powers of black hair, depression, and suicidal thoughts.
Why did Mary have a little lamb? Because a big one was too much in bed.
Yo mama so fat, One Punch Man had to punch 3 times.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at school? Put another one in and continue!
I was watching my son play at the park, and a lady asked me, "Which one is yours?" And for fun, I said, "I don't know, I'm still choosing."
How many gays does it take to put in a light bulb?
Only one... but it takes the entire Emergency Room to get it out.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.
Three kids one day found a magical slide. There was a sign next to it saying, “Whatever you wish for comes true once you slide down.” One kid stepped up and slid down. He wished for a river of chocolate, thus he swam in a chocolate river.
The second kid slid down and wished for a mountain of money. He then landed in a pile of money. The third kid went down and said, “Weeeeeeee!”