Why was Tickle Me Elmo upset when he left the factory?
Because they only gave him one test tickle.
Last post for today, but I had to say one more thing! Tomorrow I am going to Six Flags, and I am literally so excited! It is going to be so much fun. Hope you guys have a good MLK JR. day! Woohooo!
Quote of the day: It's never too late to be what you wished you were.
Hope y'all are having a great day! I just got back from a volleyball tournament that I had to be up at 5 AM for! We played three games and won the last one. We advanced and are playing a few more tomorrow. Wish me and my team good luck!
Yo momma so fat that it was hard to find the G spot and slip her one at night.
McDonald's sweet chili chicken one.
I crashed into the back of a car at the lights today.
A really short guy got out of it and said, “I’m not happy.”
I said, “Well, which one are you then?”
Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.
Did you know one of the singers of YMCA had AIDS? Y-M-C-AIDS.
Hey guys, I just wanna say what happened to Kanye; he is one of my favorite rappers, and he’s going through a hard time. I don’t see why people can’t just spread love and kindness like me💕
I think that Kanye was right to say what he said. I completely support him, and I don’t understand why people hate on him for using his 1st amendment, and Yeezy should be sued for it.
Quote of the day: Love bests hate as for hate is the killer of friendships - Collin Kaepernick
What was Jesus' reaction when the first black person was born?
"Holy shit, I burnt one."
Doctor Seuss break up lines:
"One fish, two fish, blue fish, red fish, I'm breaking up with you, bitch."
You: I have a nice hairline.
Your friend: Since when do you have one?
You: I forgot.
A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.
Teacher: "What do you think is your purpose in our society?"
Me: "To reduce the population by one."
There’s only one answer to who would win, 1996 Bulls or 2017 Warriors...
...Steve Kerr’s team.
One person said you are much more beautiful than Cinderella. The next day, you're in court and Cinderella is the witness.
(P.S. she was born to be a drama queen.)
I left a ticket to a WNBA game on the dashboard when I went to go get the groceries.
A burglar broke in and left another one on the dashboard.
Are you still a virgin?
If you do IT
With no one?
When you're in a cage But it's not real!
Being in a cage But you have the key.
Being in a cage But nobody sees you.
Being outside of a cage, but it's empty.
Living and realizing you've been born into one.
Thinking someone cared about you But turns out they're toxic as fu**.
But you can't live without them.
The cage Is you. You have the key But you don't know how to use it.
Yo life got no meaning, just like your dad when he left. Like if it's a good one.
