"My wife is so crazy," said Beatem's McSmasher.
"Why?" asked his buddy Don Caretomarch.
"She's sitting on the front verandah packing my shit in boxes!"
"You getting kicked out, bro?"
"Yeah, all I did was break every plate in the house over her head. Some people have no sense of humor."
"Is she one of them woke bitches?"
How many Tottenham players does it take to win a trophy? It doesn't matter how hard they try, they still can't win one anyway.
Why do animators like Christianity?
Because Jesus was the one who invented T-Pose.
What do you call Panera bread that has been weathered and eventually gathered and via cementation and pressure, it becomes a layer of different materials and is also one of the most common types of rock in the sea?
Panera Sed!
What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?
One goes limp when a child walks in the room.
Just looking for a cunt...
Oh hello, found one.
Bro, Asian girls have the weirdest names. I was, like, with one, and she kept on saying, "I'm too young."
The ketchup told a joke no one was laughing but the egg was cracking up
What kind of chocolate does a lesbian hate?
Ones that contain nuts.
You're so short, when it rains you're the last one to know.
There was once a grandfather. He had very little hair, and he lived in a forest.
On his death bed, he was fully bald. So he told his children, "You see my head? I have no hair. All of my hair has been wiped, and I hope this forest doesn't experience the same. Children, every time a tree is cut in this forest, plant a new one in its place."
So for years, and to this day, that forest still stands, each tree being replanted. All because of an old man and his re-seeding hairline.
What is the difference between a feminist and a gorilla? One of them is fat and hairy, while the other one has a functional brain (the gorilla, of course).
*School Shooter Walks In*
That one kid who play Pumpes Up Kicks at max Volume
When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.
So they can let me down one last time.
One day, I was just chillin', being a tower. I saw a plane, but it was slowly growing.
Then it hit me.
I, for one, wish Donald Trump was President again. It's been a while since we had a presidential assassination.
Chuck Norris once ate ONE Lays potato chip.
One good thing about lynching during the holidays, free tree ornaments.
Principal: “Why did you have to skip class? Because of that detention!”
Kid: “Whatever!”
Principal: “Why did you have to swear? Because of that one demerit!”
Kid: “Doesn't matter!”
Principal: “Why did you yell at a teacher and throw a chair at them? Because of that you're suspended!”
Kid: “Oh well!”
Principal: “Why did you have to push a kid down the stairs and kill them? Because of that you're expelled!”
Kid: “I'm trying not to kill myself!”
What's one thing a homing missile can't kill?
An orphan.
