One jokes

I got detention one day. I don’t know why; I only slapped the emo kid on the wrist.

Farrah Fawcett, upon arriving at the pearly gates, God asked her, for having led such an honest life, to grant her one wish. Farrah simply requested that the children of the world would be safe.

Five hours later, Michael Jackson died.

One day, a little girl was texting her friend. "Guess what, Angelica!" said the little girl.

"What?" Angelica replied.

"I'm a guy."

One time, Little Johnny heard his parents "wrestling" in their bed. So the next morning, he went to rape all the little girls in school. This then led to his demise.

No girls told on him, but when he grew up, he was a raper. He never stopped. In total, "little" Johnny had over 31 sons that he didn't know about. When he was sentenced to jail, he raped all the inmates despite his small figure. He was then sent to the death sentence, "eagle wing" torture style.

His parents were happy he died, and the morbid rapist was put down, never to return again. However, all the sons had his genes, including his MINDSET. They then became a cult and shot down 2014 cops, 471 military members and 72951 males and females. The kids, you ask? Only the males were spared, and taught how to operate the guns. All but 419 females were killed. They soon became the world's strongest empire. No one could stop Little Johnny's sons. NO ONE.

There is no god. None, not one.

A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find God, he'll help you!"

Then the man said, "There’s only one way to get to God, and that is through Jesus. Have you, my friend, found him?"

Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.

Why? You ask.

Because it only takes one charge to bring it back to life.

A priest walks outside and finds two young boys sitting on a big ice cube. The priest asks what they are doing. The boys answer that the priest always likes a couple of cold ones before he goes on.

A guy wakes up one morning and is walking down the road, and he smells fish, and he says, "Good morning, ladies!"

"Wubba Lubba Dub Dub" is one way to describe how my inner child acts, but yesterday I killed them. Now I hear "Wubba Lubba Dub Dub," I’m drowning in the tub.

What’s the difference between a basketball player and an orphan?

One has a home to run to.

Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.

Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."

Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?

Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.

Why do I look nervous when I enter the church? Is it just because I'm the only one with the bomb?

My great uncle died in a concentration camp.

He fell off one of the guard towers.

One day my friend said: "I want tacos from Katie's, you?" and I said no thanks and she left. I never saw her again. Today I remember that I saw her name on TV as one of the victims of suicide, then I remember her and my motto: "If I'm dying, you're dying with me, you got no choice." I NEVER ate tacos from Katie's again.

POV you are drunk and telling jokes and no one is listening 😭😭😭

Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.

Why don't orphans play tag?

Because there's no one to catch.

Wanna hear two short jokes and one long one?

joke, joke, jooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooke.

Me: Looks like a girl, sure as h3ll I don't sound like one.

Michael Jackson: Looks like a boy, sure as h3ll don't sound like one.

That [is] what we have i[n] commen, but if you mix up my gender I won't give a F about it. Michael Jackson not so much : )