Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks...
One Jokes
Two gay guys are in a burning building, who gets out first? The one on the top or the bottom?
The bottom because his sh*t's already packed.
There is one good part about paedophiles... they go slow in school zones.
What did one traffic light say to the other?
"Stop looking, I am changing."
What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just WAVED. Can you SEA what I did there? I'm SHORE you did. Why are you so SALTY? Don't be a BEACH.
Why are there no good Indian actors? Because all the good ones are trying to get your bank details over the phone.
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
This one kid I knew had Down syndrome, and he turned a mirror upside down trying to get rid of it.
What do you call a person with only one arm?
Half-assed.
Why do ballerinas wear tutus?
The one-ones are too small and the three-threes are too big.
What's the difference between a truck full of babies and a truck full of bowling balls?
You can only unload one of them with a pitch fork.
There once was a street named Chuck Norris. They had to change the name because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies. What's worse than that? The one on the bottom is alive. And what's worst than that is, the baby has to eat its way out.
Two pedophiles meet each other. Then one asks if he wanted to trade "2 of 5" for "1 of 10?"
Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Man, it's hot in here!"
The other muffin says, "OH MY GOSH A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!"
What do you call a fish with no eye?
A one-eyed fish, you smart ass!
My short friend called me a scrub, even though he was the one below me.
Two fish walked into a wall. One said to the other, "Dam!"
I always talk to my taco before I eat it.
One time it said it was having a bad day and I asked what's wrong. He said I don't want to taco 'bout it!
I had problems milking my cow one morning. It was an udder failure.
