One jokes
So what is the difference between a real doctor and a doctor of philosophy?
One cures the sick and the other makes them sick!
What can you not ride with two wheelchairs? A burger 🍔 one wheelchair.
What is a bus ride that is dumb? A boring one.
What is a bus driver that does not work? A useless one!
Last night I burned down an orphanage.
There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"
What did one male whale say to the other male whale?
"She's gonna blow!"
What did one cat say to the other? Happy "meow"!
What do you call a burger 🍔 with one eye?
A one giant.
What did one nut say to the other nut? "Help!"
Me: I'm sorry, Aaron.
Aaron: Why?
Me: Your parents couldn't be bothered to look past page one in the big book of baby names.
Are butt cheeks one word, or should I spread them apart?
How come Christmas is one time? Because it is so nice!
What did one dog say to another dog? I love you.
What did one snow ❄️ man say to itself? My arm is broken.
A guy was on trial for murder, and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done, and paid him the $10,000.
The redneck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and wanted to let him go.
There are 4 people in a line. Three stand up and say "We are standing up for cancer," and then there's the one in the wheelchair.
Two people just met. One said, “We should do some bonding.” The other nodded and said back, “Titanic.” The first just looked confused so the second one just said, “Sorry, thought that would be a good icebreaker.”
I am sick and tired of horror movies; it is always the stupid ones that die first. When you see a guy in a dark, bloody coat and a knife, he ain't there to just look at yah run; don't scream, run!
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be saying, "ten babies in one trashcan." Morbid humor would be saying, "one baby in ten trashcans."
A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing. A man named Chris comes up and asks, “Which one is yours?” The man said, “I don’t know, I’m still deciding.”