One jokes
Q. There were two sisters. One was having twins and asked her sister to help name the children. If one was named Deniece, what was the other named?
A. Denephew.
What's better than 5 babies in one dumpster?
1 baby in 5 dumpsters.
Why was Boiling Water hired by NASA (The National Aeronautics and Space Administration) to oversee their Space division? Because it has at least one hundred degrees.
One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.
I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.
A twin engine has two engines.
If one engine stops, the other will have just enough power to get the plane to the scene of the accident.
How are Eggs Benedict and a blow job alike?
You can't get either one at home.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N. Oh my gosh, I'm peeing on my shoe, no one knows about it yet!
What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?
Oh wait, I am because she's 10.
What is the difference between a small child and a watermelon?
One I eat on the daily and the other is a watermelon.
What is the difference between a coconut and your ex?
One is fun to knock down by throwing rocks at, the other one is a coconut.
What does a pulse and an orgasm have in common? I don't care if she has one.
What do you call a cow that has two legs shorter on one side of its body compared to the other? LEAN BEEF!
A man walked into a zoo and there was only one dog.
He came out and said, "It was a shitzu."
What's the difference between a prostitute and a daredevil? One has cunning stunts, whilst the other has a stunning...
Have you ever met a kid who’s so fat that they can’t even be accepted to “My 600lb Life”? They need a higher-ranking one!
What did one ballsack say to another?
"You stay here, I'll go pee."
People need to stop taking life so seriously. After all, no one gets out alive!
The clock struck one!
Then down did come!
Hickory dickory doc
What am I?
Random- a mouse?
Me- no dumb shit!
Random- what is it?
Me- the guillotine!
- Why is that flight waiting at 30,000 feet height?
- One tire became flat. They are changing it in the middle of the journey.
Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "Your hair color is fabulous." Woman: "Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."
Man: "You look like a dream." Woman: "Go back to sleep."
Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Yes, I want you to leave."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not enter. -OR- Stop."
Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?" Woman: "I hate you."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."