Old jokes
There are 4 people on an airplane, and the pilot has a heart attack and dies. The plane is going down, and there are also only 3 parachutes. So the guy who knows how to cure cancer says, "I’m jumping. I can save many lives." Then the 46th president, Joe Biden, says, "I’m taking the 2nd one." So there is only one left. Donald Trump says to the 7-year-old girl, "I have lived a long life. You can take the next one." So the little girl says, "That’s ok; the 46th president took my backpack." Lol.
Michael Jackson went into an Italian restaurant and died because he choked on 9-year-old meatballs.
Man, abortion jokes just don't get old, do they?
In fact, they don't age at all.
Yo mama so old, she was in third grade with Moses.
Did you hear about the old Italian chef?? Yeah he pasta away.
Then a man walked comprehending to be him. Everyone knew he was an impasta.
A pedophile brings his eight-year-old daughter to the doctor's office. The doctor asked her if she would like some candy? Her father replies, "Please, no more candy for her. I gave her enough today."
If she’s old enough to smoke, She’s old enough to choke.
If she’s old enough to pee, She’s old enough for me.
Captain America is a 106-year-old virgin.
When I was 8, my sister was half my age. I am 60 now, how old is my sister?
Comments: 30! Give me an easier question next time!
What's an old Japanese man's last words?
"Hey, that cloud looks like a mushroom, or is it just me?"
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your grandma died, your dad left you too, Now you're living with your old grandma coot. Oh, let's not forget your mom left you, too. You gon' live alone, die alone, with no roses on your casket, too.
I met an amazing girl online. Smart, sexy... uninhibited.
Of course it turned out to be a 12 year old paraplegic boy... I have to admit... The sex was disappointing.
If R. Kelly was a therapist:
14 year old: I hate my life.
R. Kelly: I feel you.
What’s the difference between a microwave and a 10 year old girl?
The microwave doesn’t fart out blood and diarrhea when you pull your meat out.
What's the difference between a Chinese person and an old person?
One lasts long and another doesn't.
If she’s old enough to breed, she’s old enough for me.
What does an orphan have in common with an 80-year-old woman? Their parents will never come back.
Why should old women never eat seafood?
'Cause then she'll start acting crabby.
3 year old boy: 1... 2...uh....?
Older brother: Ooh I know! 1, 2, 3 get the fuck off my apple tree!
Yo mama's so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.