Old Jokes

Your momma so old she has been a waitress at the last supper

“Poor old fool,” thought the gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. He invited the old man inside for a drink. The gentleman asked, “So how many have you caught today?

”The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”

9 year olds can consent. That’s like 18 divided by 2

tell an old person to pretend shaking salt in their mouth... you'll see

What is old cold and alone A orphans parents

What does a 90 year old's pussy taste like?

Depends...

If I was an object in this world I'd be a glass! Because if you leave me when I'm too close to the edge I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I'm a star! Because one of these days I'm going to crash and burn...

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die I'd be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I'm like the sun; I'm painful to look at.

If I was a food I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I'm like an eggshell... broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature I'd be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I'm like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it's dried up shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I'm like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I'm like the moon because as the month progresses my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I'm like an Ex streamly powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I'm like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I'm like a shity book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can't afford to go through with the divorce and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape but the more they try the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety

Help me....

Whats the difference between a five year old and and a Democrat.... The five year old doesnt expect you to do everything for them. (Vote for Ted Cruz, Ben Sahapiro 2020)

You heard that Michael Jackson autopsy reports showed he died of food poisoning? It’s because he ate some 8 year old nuts.

Whats the difference between the twin towers and the poeple at the old folks home. They both collapsed

Did you hear they think Michael Jackson died from food poisoning, he ate 12 year old nuts and a 13 year old wiener

Why do girls wear classic rock t shirts? Because they are stupid little bitches who need to grow some fashion sense because wearing old shit doesn't make you unique

Why did Michael Jackson decide to sell the ranch.

Because it was over 10 years old.

The people at 9/11 must have been able to read fast. (If I explain it, it won't make be funny this is a old joke my friend told me)

A 28-year old medical student is auctioning off her virginity online. For $300K, you can have the worst sex of your life.

Why did Jeffery Dahmer not eat old people? he does not like roasted vegetables

7 year old Christian: *walks up to atheist menacingly* YoU nEeD sOmE jEsUs SaViNg! Atheist: you prey to a Jewish zombie and I need saving?

Hey Jorden Calerendiá ur last name sounds like a sea food shop that i get my fish from. Ur roasting is trash just like u. Boy stop roastin on Addison and Gwen and others u prob 5 years old trying to dis like that. That roasting is like from 1920 get a life.

I called my boss the other Monday and told him I needed the day off because I was sick. He said "how sick?". I said "well I'm in bed with my 12 year old sister".