Old Jokes

Whats the difference between the twin towers and the poeple at the old folks home. They both collapsed

A 28-year old medical student is auctioning off her virginity online. For $300K, you can have the worst sex of your life.

Why did Jeffery Dahmer not eat old people? he does not like roasted vegetables

Whats the difference between a priest and MCDonald's? They both stick their meat in 10 year old buns

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

The frog says $30,000.

The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone"

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

Because he Neverlands. (This joke is good because it never gets old)

People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids. I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.

What’s the best part about having sex with 28 year olds?

There are 20 of them

in america 1 in 10 houses there are a paedophiles

not me i live next to a smoking hot 8 year old

How am I an ableist? My ex girlfriend was in a wheelchair and we lived in the same old building with a broken elevator. I ended the relationship by moving to 8th floor.

What do 3-year-old boys say after going to confession?

My bum hurts

I kinda feel sorry for Hitler.

Looking back at some old photos of him, his friends always left him hanging when he went for a high-five.

One dark stormy night when i was 8 years old I woke up in the middle of the night busting to pee, half asleep i walked down the stairs and toward the bathroom and heard a strange whirring sound that sounded like a ghost. When I opened the door i felt a strange cool breeze and the light came on automatically and the ghostly sound stopped, terrified I did what I had to and went back to bed. The next 3 nights the same thing happened and finally i decided i had to tell my mom no matter how hard to believe it sounded. The next night I woke up I went into my parents room and woke my mom up and said, "you have to come with me and see this it's really important," Half asleep she murmured, "oh what is it can't it wait until the morning?' I pleaded, "no you have to come see, our bathroom is haunted by a ghost when I go in the middle of the night I can hear a ghost sound then when i open the door I feel the cold as it swoops through me and the light comes on automatically." She yawned and said, "oh so that's who's been peeing in the refrigerator."

This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making into a house and halucinating that they have a family.

So I threw out the cardboard and said "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies arent real. You cant and will never get a home"

Next day they make cardboard parents so i threw that away and said "May attention to reality, you will never get parents:

Next day they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again I said "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent" The orphan responded with "Oh really?! How so" I just simply said "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat out old people!"

Old woman: You are such a darling child. Please come and see me again next year.

A year later, as child walks up to the door of the old ladies house...

Oh my! Goodness sakes child! Have you grown, or have I shrank???

Child: Both

Chenle: One time when i was younger, someone asked me how old i was and i forget. I had to Wikipedia my age to remember Jisung: This is the richest thing I've ever heard in my life.