Old jokes
What do you call two old men drooling in their wheelchairs?
The 2028 US election.
Why is there a big old gay parade on one of the first days of summer?
Pride always cometh before the fall.
So, my dad was drinking, so he was drunk, and I was sad. But can you be my friend, please?
How do you know all suicide bombers self-identify as being old?
They are all boomers in the end.
Q: What's the difference between a grandma fetish and necrophilia?
A: A few weeks.
An old woman walks into an outdoor supplies store.
"I'd like an infrared gorilla," she says.
The clerk proceeds to give her an infrared gorilla from the back room.
"We've had hundreds of these things in the back for ages," exclaims the clerk. "You're the first person who's actually wanted one."
Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are only 5 years old, yet you know how to give great head.
Why don't nurses like giving old people baths or showers?
Because they don't want their vegetables to get soggy.
Donald Trump travels back in time to talk to his 10-year-old self.
When he sees himself, he says, "Do you see me? I am you, but almost 70 years older."
His 10-year-old self asks him, "Am I going to be famous?"
Trump replies, "Oh yeah, I became president of the United States. Not once. Twice!"
10-year-old Donald was shocked. But he became even more shocked when he heard the next sentence from his current self: "And now take off your pants!"
Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”
I pulled my kid out of school after a woke teacher taught my six-year-old about pronouns! Yesterday, it was "he/she," today, "they/it," tomorrow, "I/you/we!"
What does a sex offender that is a lesbian have in common with a sex offender that is a feminist?
They only performed cunnilingus on girls under 18 years old.
ENTER PASSWORD.
WRONG.
WRONG.
WRONG.
WRONG.
WRONG.
WRONG.
RESET PASSWORD.
NEW PASSWORD CAN'T BE OLD PASSWORD.
Sets fire to computer.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and the people at the old folks home?
They both collapsed.
What do a 100-year-old pornstar and The White Stripes have in common? Icky Thump!
Yo mama so old that she knew "The Outsiders" when they were "The Insiders."
What do McDonalds and priests both do?
They both put their meat between 10-year-old buns.
What weighs 70 pounds and doesn't like sex?
The 6-year-old in the trunk of my car.
Hey, what's your age, Jordan? Probably 5 years old.
What do you call Trump with no spray tan on his hair? Your next door grumpy old neighbor.