At weddings, old people tell kids “you’re next”. At funerals, little kids tell old people “you’re next”.

So I was watching YouTube and then my Friend says “Those videos never get old” and I replied “Just like a Make-A-Wish kid” and after I said that he shot me in the head and said “And now neither do you.” And now I’m in heaven and God says to me “Welcome to Paradise where it is summer days, clear skies and I said “Are there summer women” and now here I am in Hell with my buddy Hitler. I believe he’s a hero. After he killed Hitler

So anyway, this old guy goes to the doctors. The doctor says “It’s bad news, you’ve got cancer and Alzheimers”. The old guy replies “At least I’ve not got cancer”.

My friend said to me how to spell Tom and I said t o m m and he said that not how you spell it’sTom and he sese you have to take out 1m and he so I said but witch one

what’s similar between mcdonalds and priests? they both stick their meat in 10 year old buns.

A 60 year old man said his wife called him a paedophile the other day, strong words for a 6 year old

What do McDonald’s and priests have in common… They both stick their meat in 10 year old buns

these are all of my terrible jokes

Two antennas met on a roof, they fell in love and got married. The ceremony was alright but the reception was amazing A jumper cable walks into a bar and the bartender said "I’ll serve you but don’t start anything A dyslexic man walks into a bra Two cannibals are eating a clown, one says "does this taste funny to you, I’m joking of course" Dejamoo: the feeling that you’ve heard this bull before A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident and said to the doctor “I can’t feel my legs” the doctor said " I know, I AMPUTATED YOUR ARMS" I went to seafood disco last week, I pulled a muscle What do you call a fish with no eyes, a fsh Two fish swim into a concrete wall, one says "dam" A mystic dwarf escapes from a jail, the call went out of a "small medium at large" A man walks into a bar with solid tar under his arm, he says "a beer please,and one for the road" Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The p is silent YO MAMA SO FAT THAT she should be worried, diabetes is a serious problem What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut, duh A priest a rabbi and a cleric walk into a bar, the cleric, due to his religious constructions, does not drink alcohol. The others do the same, they have a pleasant fun and nothing bad happens. What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint. I remember the last words my grandad said before he kicked the bucket, how far do you think I can kick this bucket A man walks into a bar, his alcohol independence is pulling this family apart I like my coffee like my women, on sometimes with a penis A man is working at a bar, a money comes in and orders a banana martini. The man wakes up and tells his story to his wife, he is ignored and he turns around sobbing. His marriage is falling apart Why didn’t Jesus play hockey? Soccer and baseball are more popular in Mexico What’s green and has wheels? Grass, the wheels WERE A LIE. What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? They both have wheels except the duck Why couldn’t the dinosaur break the wall, I don’t know. I’m asking you Why did the old woman put rainbow roller skates on her walker, she has dementia There are an owl and a squirrel watching a farmer go by, they owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing. It’s an owl it can’t talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because the owl is a bird of prey

What does a 90 year old’s pussy taste like?

Depends…

Dark humor is like a boy with cancer

They never get old

A man was asked by his 21 years old daughter, " Dad how do you give a blowjob to a man that has a big “dick”? her father replied " honey, you should have watch me last night - it was inside my mouth, does it cycle now?"

your mama so old that she forgot her donkey on noahs ark

Today at the bank a old lady asked me to check her balance so I pushed her… she had really bad balance

Ok there is at least 3 pedophile in your neighborhood. But there is no pedophiles in my neighborhood the is only 3, 10 year old girls with juicy asses

What’s the difference between all the jokes on this page? Nothing, they’re all knockoffs of old jokes you’ve already heard that aren’t funny. Pen!s

I like my wine like how I like my women, 10 years old and locked in a basement.

What’s the best thing about dead baby jokes?

They never grow old.

I was talking to my old friend, they said " We should hang out more! "

I said " you mean we should ketchup?"

Do you wanna know the best thing about 28 year olds

There are 20 8 year olds

2 drunk men spot a pig on some old farmers land.And they were real hungry (or so they said) and they both decided to take the pig with them into their car and eat it somewhere.And so they did and the farmer came out with a gun while they hurriedly drove off, and the farmer said “well goddammit if it was a pig they wanted why didn’t they just take my wife”.

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