Old jokes
Wanna hear a clean one?
Old man takes a bath with bubbles.
Wanna hear a dirty one?
Bubbles is the 14 year old next door.
How do you know all suicide bombers self-identify as being old?
They are all boomers in the end.
I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."
"But why?" I replied.
"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.
"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.
Knock, knock.
Who is there?
Old lady.
Old lady who?
I did not know you could yodel!
Hey, what's your age, Jordan? Probably 5 years old.
A guy asked me what I do for a living.
Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"
Old McDonald cuts himself. E-m E-m-O!
Yo mama so fat and old, she's the meteor that wiped out the dinosaurs!
Why do girls wear classic rock T-shirts? Because they are stupid little bitches who need to grow some fashion sense because wearing old shit doesn't make you unique.
I snorted a line of coke off my 8-year-old sister’s tiny prepubescent vag. She just laid there and let me do it without complaining, probably because she was already dead.
Never hide something behind a bookshelf. It's the oldest trick in the book!
What weighs 70 pounds and doesn't like sex?
The 6-year-old in the trunk of my car.
Blud is so old he pre-ordered the Torah.
Q: What's the difference between a grandma fetish and necrophilia?
A: A few weeks.
Wade, you're a joke. The worst joke.
Hoped this would be a safer, more fun place to talk to my BP friends, but I guess not.
I've also learned that some people think "worst jokes ever" = "terrible unfunny jokes that make light of people who died horribly or otherwise suffered" instead of things like "why did the chicken cross the road?"-type jokes.
Maybe I'm just too old at this point.
What's the difference between a five-year-old and a Democrat?
The five-year-old doesn't expect you to do everything for them.
(Vote for Ted Cruz, Ben Shapiro 2020)
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and the people at the old folks home?
They both collapsed.
What do you call Trump with no spray tan on his hair?
Your next door grumpy old neighbor.
What does an 80-year-old woman taste like?
Depends.
What did the guy with no teeth say to a blind guy... How many fingers am I holding up?