Old jokes
If babies stay in their mothers for 9 months, are they not 9 months old when they are born?
So, I was at the gas station drinking a Slurpee when I heard an old lady start talking to me. She says, "Hey, can you check my balance?" so she could buy a chocolate bar.
So, I pushed her over and said, "Not much."
What do McDonald's and priests have in common?
They both shove their meat into 10-year-old buns.
Stephen Hawking is better than NASA. They study black holes that are 8 billion years old, while he was down here on Earth staring at 14-year-old black holes. 😈😈😈
Why did the old man win in a fight? Because he was stressed.
Why should old women never eat seafood?
'Cause then she'll start acting crabby.
Old woman: You are such a darling child. Please come and see me again next year.
A year later, as child walks up to the door of the old lady's house...
Old woman: Oh my! Goodness sakes, child! Have you grown, or have I shrank???
Child: Both.
A 17 year old pregnant Juanita flew all the way to NY from TX to get an abortion. Initially, she was denied the procedure because she wasn't COVID boosted, but after she explained the father was religious and wanted to be involved, they quickly resolved the threat.
Q: Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?
A: He was in a mid-life crisis.
What does an orphan have in common with an 80-year-old woman? Their parents will never come back.
What do you call a 17-year-old orphan?
Homeless.
I was listening to WAP in my car with my four-year-old cousin, and she asked why they don't fix the holes in the house.
Then my fucking boyfriend, what a hoe, was.
What’s the best thing about sex with 119 year olds? There are 100 of them.
Yo mama's so old, she walked out of a museum and the alarm went off.
What's the only punch that can knock out a 21 year old?
A Sandy Hook.
"You get no bitches," said the man to the 60-year-old redneck virgin guy who is obese and balding with "Trump" stuff plastered all over his pickup truck.
A guy asked me what I do for a living.
Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"
Yo mama so old, she was Jesus' nanny! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Your mama is so old that she forgot her donkey on Noah's Ark.
How do you check that a rabbit is old?
You check how many gray hares it has.