Office Jokes

Why was the Computer late to work?

Coz it had a hard drive... LMAO

It was September 10, 2001 when I stayed up watching TV shows. I woke up late to work at The World Trade Center. But it was burning. I said out loud, " I was late! I'm happy I was late to work! I mean.. I could've di-" I was then beaten and bruised by the emergency services.

were do you go if you lost a pencil office works they have solved lodes of pencil cases

Officer sees a man and he is seeing he is having trouble walking so he asked him "sir are you drunk?" The man responds "No sir i'm not drunk." So the Officer asks "how high are you?" And the man responds "no sir, its high how are you."

A blonde crashed a helicopter. A police officer asked her what happened. She says, "It got cold so I turned off the fan."

what do cheetahs wear to work they can't change because cheetahs cant change there spots

Did you know toilets while your at work they eat your toilet paper

What do you call a special police officer? OFFICER DOWN!

A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."

What do you call a dwarf police officer?

A guinea pig

The Big Bang happened 16.8 billion years ago and matter cannot be created or destroyed there for we are all technically 16.8 billion years old so to answer your question officer yes she is of age

Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, "Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site."

Once there was a man. A man who had a butt. Once he was at this job interview and he was going to get the job. But just before the boss was going to hire him he farted. It was a really bad one. It was 47 minutes long and so loud the windows rattled. When it was over the man screamed and jumped out the window. He didn't get the job

little johnny's mom got a call from school saying to come over, as she dose she is met by the principal. they go into his office and the principal say "your son is going to be suspended for a week for blowing clouds in the bathroom." the mother responds "he is fifteen, how is he blowing clouds already? bring him in here." a boy walks in and johnnys mother says "this isnt my son, bring him in here i would like a word with him." the principal replies "ma'am, this is clouds." the mother feints

The IRS came to this mans house one day and told him to come in the next morning to talk about all the money thats been coming in and out of his bank account. So the man though maybe I need to get a lawyer. So he and his lawyer get to the IRS's office and sit down and the agent said there has been a large amount of money flowing in and out of your account and we wanted to know if you knew anything about it. The man says yes I do, I'm a gambler. The agent says you gamble with that much money. He man says yes, I'll give you an example. Alright I bet you 5,000$ that I can bite my left eye. Agent says alright deal. The man takes out his fake eye and bites it. Then the agents says that not fair. The man says I'll let you get your money back or even more, I bet you 7,500$ I can bite my right eye. He agents thinking I didn't see him come in with a guide dog or a stick so the agent says deal. The man takes out his false teeth and bites his right eye. The agent then says that's not fair. The man replies alright I have another one, your down 12,500$ I'll bet you 15,000$ if you put that waste basket on the other side of the room I can stand by your desk and piss across the room into the waste basket and not get a drop anywhere. The agent says that's impossible you've got a deal. The man starts peeing and pees all over his desk and the agent says I got you, he's laughing and happy that he final beat him, but then the lawyer has his hand on his face and the agent asked what's wrong with you and the lawyer replies the man bet me 100,000$ he could piss on your desk and you'd just love it.

What has more letters than the alphabet? -- The post office.

I took an hour long shower, the german officers were looking at me kinda scared.

An old man gets the call from the IRS The man on the phone says, “we’ve noticed large sums of money coming in and going out of your account constantly and we gotta get this straight. Come in tomorrow and we’ll have a chat about this.” The old man thinks for a while and then decides he better get his lawyer to come with him.

The next day the old man and his lawyer show up to the IRS office and the man there says,”So we’ve noticed these large sums of money entering and leaving your account nonstop. Can you explain this?” The man replies,”Well, I will bet on pretty much anything. Like this! I bet you 10,000 I can bite my own eye.” The agent takes the bet, and the man takes out his glass eye and bites it. He then says,”Wait. I’ll give you a chance to earn your money back, and more! I bet you 20,000 I can bite my other eye.” The agent thinks a minute and realizing the man isn’t blind, takes the bet. The old man takes out his false teeth and bites his other eye. He then says,”alright last chance. I bet you 50,000 i can stand on this side of your office and pee into that wastebasket on the opposite side without getting a drop anywhere in between.” The agent thinks real hard but decides it’s impossible so takes the bet. The man unzips his pants and pees all over the IRS agents desk. The agent jumps up and down and says, “haha! I got you now!” But the mans lawyer goes pale in the face, sinks his head in his hands and says,”He bet me 100,000 on the way over here that he could piss all over your desk and you’d just love it!”

I was walking down the street and I punched of a white guy and then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.