Office

Office jokes

Fart

    • So we were working with a new client at work, and my boss farts. He said, "A little gas never killed anyone."

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    • Man

    • A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterward, he's sitting in the doctor's office, and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, "I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer's." The man replies, "Well, at least I don't have cancer."

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    • Adoption

    • My mom told me to look for a bill in her file at her home office. Instead, I grabbed my sister's adoption papers.

    Son

    • Little Johnny's mom got a call from school saying to come over. As she does, she is met by the principal. They go into his office and the principal says, "Your son is going to be suspended for a week for blowing clouds in the bathroom." The mother responds, "He is fifteen, how is he blowing clouds already? Bring him in here." A boy walks in, and Johnny's mother says, "This isn't my son, bring him in here, I would like a word with him." The principal replies, "Ma'am, this is Clouds." The mother faints.

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    • Office memes

    Cop

    • Officer: Hi, how high are you?

    Pothead: No officer, it's "how are you?"

    Officer: Oh, I'm sorry, I've been high since last night.

    Pothead: Cool, I'd like to give you some weed, happy 420, sir.

    Officer: Omg, thanks man, appreciate that.

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    • Big Bang

    • The Big Bang happened 16.8 billion years ago, and matter cannot be created or destroyed. Therefore, we are all technically 16.8 billion years old. So, to answer your question, officer, yes, she is of age.

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    • Job

    • My boss said “dress for the job you want, not for the job you have.” So I went in as Batman.

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    • Glass

    • Doctor: You need new glasses.

    Patient: How'd you know? I haven't even told you what is wrong with me yet.

    Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window.

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    • Plane

    • I tried dressing up as the plane that crashed into the Twin Towers for the office costume party.

    It didn't land too well.

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    • Boss

    • Bosses are like seagulls.

    They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.

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    • Woman

    • A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, "Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?"

    The boyfriend says, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again."

    An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room."

    "You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."

    A penguin takes his car to the shop, and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn't the cleanest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal."

    "No," the penguin insists, "it's just ice cream."

    If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?

    A family's driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. Embarrassed, and trying to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. That was just an insect."

    "Wow," the boy replies. "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"

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    • Incest

    • While an unsuspecting father's at the office making money, this 18 year old son will spend his day in mother's cunny.

    We're at the breakfast table, father eats and takes his calls, he doesn't know my mother's toes are kneading at my balls.

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