Office Jokes

A Blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

The Blonde Cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.

The Blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."

in English class the teacher says (Teacher): Kids you need to say the alphabet ok Sally you first. (Sally): Okay a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z. (Teacher): good job Sally. Then the teacher called on 4 other students who got it right. Then the teacher called on little Johnny. (Teacher): Little Johnny say the alphabet. (Little Johnny): bcefghijklmnopsvwxyz. (Teacher): no Johnny that’s not right. (Johnny): oh I forgot u r a q t. (Teacher). No still not right and thank you. (Johnny): oh I’ll give you the d later . (Class): (laughing). (Teacher): GO TO THE OFFICE NOW .

It’s all fun and games at “take your kid to work day” until you realize your dad is a suicide bomber.

So I heard the CEO gave her daughter a really good spot in the company. Everyone is mad but I think it just goes to show that it pays to sleep with your boss.

When you're working in the twin towers and your computer connects to the airplane wifi

A man goes into heaven and there he meets jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says "that is mother teresa's clock it has never moved because she has never lied". "There is Abraham Lincolns clock. He has .lied twice so it has moved twice." "Where is Donald Trump's?" Ask's the man. Jesus answers "it is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."

We’re skipping April fools day this year, the biggest joke is already sitting in office running our country

Me walking in to the office: Principle: tell me what u did? Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was a end portal....

Despite my devilish attitude, I have the heart of a small boy. I keep it in a jar on my desk.

Wow! That whiteboard is remarkable!

I went to my boss's funeral and knelt down to his coffin ⚰️ and whispered. "Whose late now ?"

So we were working with a new client at work and my boss farts, he said "a little gas never killed anyone

What has more letters than the alphabet? -- The post office.

I took an hour long shower, the german officers were looking at me kinda scared.

A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!"

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty”

That’s when Penaldo asked “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.

Shame on you Penaldo!

I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy, then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.

Government Briefing:

Joe Biden had a meeting with the cabinet today...

...He also spoke to the bookcase and argued with the desk.

Last halloween i went dressed as a woman. When i rang the doorbell an elderly woman opened and i made grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands. She immediately called the police and told them excactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First he asked are your parents here and i said nothing. Concerned by my answer he then asked if i was ok so i said nothing. He asked me what my name and i responded, "Hellen Keller.