I went to the principal's office cuz I gave a deff kid ear pod for his birthday
My boss had the heart of a child:)
In a jar. On his desk
I am an actual police officer (Not gonna mention with which department in case they actually check this site) and tbh I find these jokes funny as fuck, carry on boys
Police officer pulls over 2 Catholic priests. Says he’s looking for two child molesters.
Catholic priests looking at each other: We’ll do it!
Whoever stole my Microsoft Office account, I'll make you pay. You have my word!
Did you hear about the dyslexic American police officer? He shot a Ginger.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
John : hi boss it is raining heavily today so I would not be coming
Boss: u stated in ur job application that swimming was it hobby so see u at at 11am
A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable." Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"
What is the world's greatest invention? The ball gag, do you know why? Honestly officer I never heard her say no.
So there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, what is one plus one? She said I HATE YOU. Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN! Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said 85 SMACK EM DOWN! Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, My buns are burning. Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principal’s office. The principal yelled, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! Bobby said, NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN! The principal yelled, HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?! Then he said, 85 SMACK EM DOWN! Then he walked away from the principal’s office and said, my buns are burning.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
A lady walks in to a dentists office, sits on the counter and spreads her legs. The dentist says i think you have the wrong idea with that the lady replies; last week you gave my husband his false teeth now you can get them out
A guy barges into a psychiatrist’s office and screams, “Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!”
The doctor calmly answers, “Pay me in advance.”
The depressed kid walked into the counselor's office. "I'm feeling like killing myself," he said. "Oh no! Don't worry, sweetie, just hang in there!," the counselor responded.
A lady runs into a police station and yells "help, help". I've been graped then a police officer says "Do you mean raped". The girl then replies "No there was a bunch of em".
Dads secretary left her position, he tole me I could take it if I want it. He also told me the job pays well but there is a lot to catch up on. He kept me under the pump all week.
officer, I drop-kicked that child in SELF-DEFENSE!
You gotta believe me!
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you... You have my Word.
A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says "God bless Mummy and God Bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." The father says, "Good bye Grandad? Why is that?" The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, Grandad drops dead. The father can't believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter's prayers again. She says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn't know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, "God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy." The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn't go home and stays there until midnight. He's very surprised. 'I've cheated death!' he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, "Where have you been?!" and the husband says, "Oh don't ask me any questions, today's been miserable." The wife replies, "Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch..."
