Nun jokes
What's the definition of suspicious?...
A nun doing sit-ups in a cucumber field. 💀
What would you throw between a priest and a nun? A bottle of whiskey.
Reverend Mother walks into the convent and announces:
"Sisters, our carrots have been delivered!"
Nuns exclaim: "Hurray! Carrots!"
Reverend Mother: "They are grated carrots, though."
Nuns: "Ugh! No, thank you then..."
"Nun" means no one likes them. Just take off that dumb hood!
Person: "How many people have you had intercourse with?"
Me: "Nun."
Why that Nun didn't like Virgin Mary?
Because she was straight into Jesus.
What's black and white and can't turn around in a corridor?
A nun with a javelin through her neck.
One day, a priest and a nun went to play golf together.
In the first shot, the priest missed his shot and said, "Fuck, I missed it!"
The nun replied, "Hey, you should not curse."
In the second shot, the priest missed his shot again and said, "Fuck, I missed again!"
The nun replied, "Hey, stop swearing, or else God will punish you."
In the next shot, the priest missed once again. He shouted, "Fuck this, this game is bullshit!"
The nun replied, "Enough! God is definitely going to punish you anytime now."
Suddenly, a thunderbolt struck the nun and killed her. The clouds separated from the sky, and there was a voice in the sky saying, "Oh, fuck, I missed!"
What does a nun say when you ask too many questions?
"Nunya business!"
What did the orphan say to its parents?
"Hey, Mom and Dad—oh wait, you're not my parents. I don't have none. Will you adopt me, please?"
They people: "No."
What do you call the nun that hates?
For Paul Walker, Mother Teresa.
Man: How tall is a penguin?
Bartender: About three foot, why?
Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!
Poor car.
A nun going down a water shoot? She never felt so wet in all her life!
Nun's worst holiday? Norfolk.
Nun's best holiday? Bangkok.
A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.
Why do nuns not wear bras?
God supports everything.
What's black, white, and red all over?
A nun in a blender.
Why did the emo kid hate the nun? (Cuz nun of them were emo.)
Mom, what happens if you swear at a church?
Well, honey, a tee posing nun with glowing red eyes and nunchucks will beat you.
Two nuns in a bathtub.
One nun asks, "Where's the soap?"
The other nun says, "It sure does."