Now Jokes

Why do emo people want to be called scene now, the only thing I’ve scene from them is there suicide rate climbing

Teacher:what does the pig give us Student: bacon Teacher: very good how about the chicken? Student: meat Teacher: good, now what would a fat cow give you? Student: homework

After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "What are you going to do now?"

God said, "I think I'm going to call it a day."

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire today. Now they call him Hot Wheels.

Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says “911, whats your emergency?” The hunter replies “My friend just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says “Ok, now what?”

What is Mozart doing right now? -- Decomposing.

One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

Chuck Norris decided to sell his urine as an energy drink, which you now know as RedBull

Kobe Bryant jokes just don't really fly well now

A son walks up to his dad and says "Dad! I just had sex for the first time." The dad goes "Great! Wanna sit down and talk about it?" The son says "I cant sit right now, my butt is very sore."

So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was “Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!”

i hear skeletons like to play the saxaBONE, though i think the tromBONE would be better, but tibia honest, both can be HUMERUS, wouldnt wanna hurt your funny bone, but i think your starting to get BONELY so ill stop pulling your leg. Now get out before i give you a bad time.

the teacher told me to put my MP3 away so i brought out my MP5, now that bitch knows what not to tell me

Genders are like the twin towers, there used to be two but now it's just a sensitive subject

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some Marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed Jill’s thigh and said “You know you wanna.” Jill said yes and pulled up her dress and then they had some fun, but silly jIll forgot her pill and now they have a son.

My therapist told me Time Heals with wounds so I stabbed him...

Now we wait.

Window Problems A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won't open." Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer." Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now.”

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke marijuana, Jack got high pulled down his fly and ask if she wanna, Jill said yes and pulled up her dress and had a little fun, stupid Jill forgot the pill now they have a son