Nothing Jokes

What's the difference between a rapist's mouth and a sewer?

Nothing, they both spout shit.

Daughter: Dad, why did Mom do best?

Dad: Nothing, except pretend to love us and leave.

Daughter: So she only loves my sister?

Dad: Yep.

What did the baritone say to the alto?

Nothing, you couldn’t hear him.

What's the difference between Madlen Makan and Stephen Hawking?

Nothing, they're both dead.

What do kids play when they have nothing else to do?

Bored games.

My childhood tormentor was at school. I walked through so I could get to class.

And then he said, "Hey, you donkey!"

I said, "Thank you, I'm so happy that I'm something, not nothing like you!" And I gave him a pink lollipop. He walked off. And I became popular. Or should I say, Lolli-Popular? Sorry.

This guy went to the gas station to get some gas, and as he asked the cashier for gas he noticed a terrible smell. He asked what the smell was and the cashier replied, "That's your gas, cuz I farted. Now hand me the 20 bucks!"

The guy said, "No, not the kind that comes from your ass, but the kind you put in a car!" The cashier says, "That fart was worth 20 bucks, so beat it!"

Guy says, "I need real gas, nothing about your ass impresses me!" Then another guy gets in line and says, "I know the guy personally, we grew up together. Always trying to be the cool kid in school, bragging about his big horse's ass...no wonder he was always the *butt* of all jokes!"

What's the difference between a Black person and a White person? Nothing, are you racist?

What can you tell [is] the difference between Stephen Hawking and a carrot?

Nothing.

What did the orphan get for Christmas? Nothing, because his parents ran away.

Double whammy. Orphan jokes are like a kid with cancer; it never gets old. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👌👌👌👌👌

An alien walks into a bar. There is a guy sitting next to him, and the alien touches his shoulder.

The man says, "Do that one more time and I'll run you over." The alien does it again and gets ran over. They get back in the bar and he touches him again. The man says, "Do that again and I'll chop your dick off." He touches him again. The man pulls the alien's pants down and pulls out his knife. He was astonished at what he found. There was nothing there! He looks up at the alien and looks at his finger and fainted.

My mom was poor, so we had nothing to eat. I slept on the floor, but now I'm rich, rich, rich 😜

What happens when you search nudes on my phone?

Nothing, I don't have any.

What did one pillow say to the other?

Nothing, meh, they just sang a song about a rogue chicken whose feathers had been sacrificed to make them.

Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers?

He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

What did the orphan's mom say to him when he got into trouble?

Nothing, because he doesn't know his parents...

Want to know something good about people giving ZERO fucks about you and living in the country?

Everybody knows nothing.

What's an orphan's favorite food? Nothing, they can't afford it.

What did the beachgoers in North Carolina say when there was a tsunami?

Nothing, they died.

The Fast of Ramadan

In the northwestern slice of Alaska known as Seward, a horseboy stood, with broom in hand, in the vast courtyard of the royal stables of the sultan. He was waiting for dusk to fall. All day long he had eaten nothing. He had not even tasted the leftover fish tucked in his turban nor the enormous purple grapes that spilled over the palace wall into the stable yard. He had tried not to sniff the rich, amazing, warm feeling fragrance of ripening of that sweet pomegranates.

For this was the sacred month of Ramadan when, day after day, all faithful Mohammedans neither eat nor drink from the dawn before sunrise until the moment after sunset!