Nothing jokes

Little Johnny is walking in the hallway and goes in his brother's room and catches him watching something, so he asks, "What you watching?" His brother replies, "Nothing," and drops his phone. But then he gets a text from his teacher, who texted him a picture of her naked, saying, "After school come fuck me." So Johnny looks and says, "Ew, I'm telling Mom," and he ran with his brother's phone and showed his mom, and his mom said, "Ok, Johnny, I'll take care of you brother," and she told him to leave, and he did.

And his brother ran in his mom's room naked, and his mom said, "Oh, that's big. How about you do what your teacher told you to do to her, to me?" And a few hours later, Johnny heard weird noises coming from the room, so he walked in and saw them (his brother and mom) having sex, so he closed the door and walked away.

The difference between women and beer is that beer makes you happy for nothing, why women make you angry for nothing.

What did the baritone say to the alto?

Nothing, you couldn’t hear him.

What's the difference between a rapist's mouth and a sewer?

Nothing, they both spout shit.

Daughter: Dad, why did Mom do best?

Dad: Nothing, except pretend to love us and leave.

Daughter: So she only loves my sister?

Dad: Yep.

What's the difference between Madlen Makan and Stephen Hawking?

Nothing, they're both dead.

What do kids play when they have nothing else to do?

Bored games.

My childhood tormentor was at school. I walked through so I could get to class.

And then he said, "Hey, you donkey!"

I said, "Thank you, I'm so happy that I'm something, not nothing like you!" And I gave him a pink lollipop. He walked off. And I became popular. Or should I say, Lolli-Popular? Sorry.

This guy went to the gas station to get some gas, and as he asked the cashier for gas he noticed a terrible smell. He asked what the smell was and the cashier replied, "That's your gas, cuz I farted. Now hand me the 20 bucks!"

The guy said, "No, not the kind that comes from your ass, but the kind you put in a car!" The cashier says, "That fart was worth 20 bucks, so beat it!"

Guy says, "I need real gas, nothing about your ass impresses me!" Then another guy gets in line and says, "I know the guy personally, we grew up together. Always trying to be the cool kid in school, bragging about his big horse's ass...no wonder he was always the *butt* of all jokes!"

What can you tell [is] the difference between Stephen Hawking and a carrot?

Nothing.

What's the difference between a Black person and a White person? Nothing, are you racist?

What did the orphan get for Christmas? Nothing, because his parents ran away.

Double whammy. Orphan jokes are like a kid with cancer; it never gets old. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👌👌👌👌👌

An alien walks into a bar. There is a guy sitting next to him, and the alien touches his shoulder.

The man says, "Do that one more time and I'll run you over." The alien does it again and gets ran over. They get back in the bar and he touches him again. The man says, "Do that again and I'll chop your dick off." He touches him again. The man pulls the alien's pants down and pulls out his knife. He was astonished at what he found. There was nothing there! He looks up at the alien and looks at his finger and fainted.

My mom was poor, so we had nothing to eat. I slept on the floor, but now I'm rich, rich, rich 😜

What did one pillow say to the other?

Nothing, meh, they just sang a song about a rogue chicken whose feathers had been sacrificed to make them.

What happens when you search nudes on my phone?

Nothing, I don't have any.

Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers?

He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

What did the orphan's mom say to him when he got into trouble?

Nothing, because he doesn't know his parents...

Want to know something good about people giving ZERO fucks about you and living in the country?

Everybody knows nothing.

What's an orphan's favorite food? Nothing, they can't afford it.