Nothing jokes
Q: What's the difference between a smart Russian and a unicorn?
A: Nothing, they're both fictional characters.
A man walks into a bar, sits down, and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating, and said he'll give one shot on the house. The man said, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob. And nah, if 12 shots doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."
A pregnant woman enters the hospital with her concerned husband. As she goes into labor, a group of doctors asked him if he would like to try a device that transfers your spouse's pain to the father's nervous system.
He agrees and the doctors turn the dial on the device to 10%. Strangely, the man felt little pain. They continued to adjust the dial until it stopped at 100%, yet the man felt nothing. Later on, the wife had delivered the baby and the pair left the hospital with a healthy baby only to find the milkman laying on their stairs with a puddle of blood around his head, shaking uncontrollably.
You know why I have so low IQ? It's because the left side of my brain gets nothing right, and the right side of my brain has nothing left.
What did the chicken say after he died? Nothing.
What’s the length difference between your hairline and Saturn? Nothing.
What does the donkey say to the other donkey?:
Nothing, donkeys don't talk.
You know what pun is used for "waist?"
Nothing. You'll find nothing.
It's just a waste of time.
Nothing is free in this world, including "Free Palestine."
You have two parts of [your] brain, "left" and "right". In the left side, there's nothing right. In the right side, there's nothing left.
Little Johnny walked into an ice cream shop and asked: "Do you have chocolate filled ice cream?"
The man replies: "We are out of that, sorry, we are almost out of every single flavor, do you want me to get you a vanilla filled one?"
Johnny replies: "Sure."
After that, the man asks for Johnny's phone and goes to back of the store. 5 minutes later, the man comes with an ice cream and Johnny's phone.
Johnny asks: "How much for the ice cream?"
The man replies: "Nothing, it's on the house."
After Johnny ate his delicious ice cream, he searched for his watch history. And then Johnny realized the flavor of the ice cream.
A guy goes to the store to buy thyme.
When he got back to put the thyme away he realized he still had thyme left. This was all for nothing, it was just a big waste of your thyme.
Me: "Comment if you love yourself and give me a reason."
Friends: comments give reason.
Me: "Notice how I commented nothing."
Day later:
Mom: Let me see your TikTok.
Me: Shows her the video.
Mom: calls suicide.
JK, she just beat me for posting a video on her.
Me: It smells like good fam.
Friend: What's good fam?
Me: Nothing much, what about you fam?
Did you know the giraffe’s hooves are the size of dinner plates? Too bad they would have nothing to put on them!
What did the orphan's parent say when he got bad grades?
Nothing, he doesn't have any.
What's the difference between me and you?
Nothing, the fudge you expected ni-
What's the difference between a Christian and a schizophrenic?
Nothing.
Magician: "I am the greatest magician in the whole world. Look, now you see the rabbit in the hat, and now it is gone!"
Redneck girl: "That's nothing. My dad is the greatest magician! He disappears for a whole year and reappears at Christmas for a couple of hours!"
Difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?
Nothing, no one cares how much lead is in those kids.