Not jokes

My last relationship ended because my ex-girlfriend accused me of being a rapist. I'm not upset. To be honest, I didn't like her anyway. She kept telling me I never listen, or something like that.

I saw a website for orphans. It was a bit confusing because I could not find the homepage.

In America, 1 in 10 houses has a paedophile.

Not me, I live next to a smoking hot 8-year-old.

Why do orphans not play baseball?

'Cause they can't find home.

A mother and her 7 year old child are walking in the grocery store. The young boy then screams to a random woman “you're an ugly bitch.”

The mother grabs her son and says, “I’m so sorry, I must have told him a thousand of times to not judge people on how they look."

It was not a hijack, it was Stephen Hawking.

I would like to die like my Islamic father, in his sleep, but not like the rest of the people in the plane or those in those identical towers.

What milk do orphan babies drink?

Not their mom's, though.

Knock, knock.

Orphan: Who's there?

Not your parents!

Why were 9/11 victims so mad?

They ordered three pepperoni pizzas, not two planes!

You can sink the Titanic like you can drive a bike. Not a joke.

You have an entire life being an idiot, why not take a day off?

What's the hardest thing to do?

Not kill your siblings. (Put the knives away ">:)")

My aunt worked as a human cannonball.

I'm not sure if she was good at it until she got fired.

People might not laugh at my jokes, or have a reaction at all, but I'd explode with euphoria.

Periodically, people might laugh every now and then.

What’s better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics?

Not being retarded.

Abortion is wrong because God wanted the baby to be alive.

Miscarriages are okay because God did not want the baby to be alive.

For one of the most highly regarded minds on the planet, it is a shame he could not create a longer-lasting battery.

There's a new Michael Jackson biopic in the works. There is a possibility that we will know who his love interest was.

What we know so far: Billie Jean is not his lover, and that kid [seen with him] is not his son. We also know that Michael Jackson said that sharing his bed with little boys is "healing" and an act of "sharing the love," so take that as you will.

If depression on crack fucked weed and 69 hours of not sleeping and had a baby with huge amounts of autism, that would be me.