Not jokes
Why are priests called father? Because it's not appropriate to call them daddy. Also because it is embarrassing.
There was a doctor's room filled with 20 women, 4 kids, 15 men, and 1 dog. However, there were forty foreheads. How is this possible?
(They will think 44 heads, not 40 foreheads.)
Because there are 40 foreheads, not 44 heads.
Why did I f*** my dad?
So I could have s€x without my mom finding out. Should I not have done that?
Yo, look, they give me and my girl free pizza and a big bottle of rabbit wine. Yay, yay! Don't drink too much of it; you might turn into a wine rabbit.
Why drink water and not bleach?
Meant to say my friend's nan, not man.
"Knock, knock.""Who's there?""Not your dad."Random kid: "My dad went to get milk. My mom said he will be back soon."
The real reason women are always cold is because they’re not in front of a stove or an oven. So, naturally, when they leave the habitat, they need to have two blankets.
Man: *behind the women* She's so ugly!
Woman: My back is not a voicemail, unless you're a coward and can only say it behind my back to my face.
I made a website for orphans.
It does not have a home page.
What did Schrödinger say to Shakespeare?
"To be and not to be."
What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? You're not dead.
I'm doing something Stephen Hawking can't do... pressing "I'm not a robot."
Q: Why did the boy not eat the banana?
A: He was scared the juice might come out.
I'm not gay, dick.
Comment on this if you are somewhat like me: depressed, single, gay, and act like you're not burning inside.
If the sun is in space, then why is there light on Earth, but not in space?
My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.
When I'm peeing in a toilet I don't pee directly into the water. I pee on the curved part of the bowl beside the water because I figure it splashes less, but when you're peeing that close to the edge, the sporadic tiny offshoots of pee become a greater threat.
I'm not sure if the accumulation of these offshoots is greater than the potential splashback from peeing mid-bowl. It's possible that I'm thinking about this too much, but it's also possible that I'm not thinking about this enough.
Why was the orphan so successful? They said "go big or go home," but he could not do the second.