Not jokes
What is the same between water and dark jokes?
Not everyone gets it!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not the two Twin Towers.
If you ever get chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire.
They're trained for that.
"Hey man, what’s your name? Oh, my name is... Do your balls hang low? Can you swing it to and fro? Can you tie it in a knot? Can you tie it in a bow?"
Question: "You're-a-American" when you're not in the restroom and when you come out of the restroom. What are you when you're in the restroom?
Answer: European (You're-a-peein')
Why can orphans not play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
I'm not sure how I'm going to get to Heaven.
God had not built a ramp yet... or an escalator.
When you ask for plastic surgery, they said, "We could not fix you, but the only way is to wear a mask to fix your ugly face."
Fact: If you jump off a 12-story building, you will not like the result.
Are you my homework because I’m supposed to be doing you right now, but I’m not.
Gay is a mental illness.
You're not thinking straight.
I'm not sure, but the image doesn't contain text. Without the text, I cannot extract joke information.
Can bees fly in the rain?
Not if they don't have their yellow jackets!
I was talking to a Muslim yesterday, and he asked me what it's like to be blind.
I happened to tell him about 20 jokes; in fact, I was working on my twentieth. So I answered with, "At least I don't have to screw in light bulbs. It's not like I need the damn things anyway."
A suicide bomber's biggest fear is not exploding.
Man, I’m so sorry that Stephen Hawking is dead; he was such a good person.
Too bad it’s a staircase to Heaven and not a ramp.
Why the actual f
is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not and no one will know the goddam difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, “It’s too offensive,” or something like that. Goddam, just take that shit somewhere else!
What’s cheese that’s not yours? Nacho cheese!
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.
Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.
Aren't my egg yolks amazing? Don't they make you crack up? If not, I better scramble!